Yes, I was a liar

Thursday Treadmill Treats
Yes, I was a liar

This week, I called out an ex friend who wanted to be my 'Facebook friend" but not my real life friend. In that blog I said I was a liar in my past and people wanted to know what I lied about and so since I am so transparent I will explain.

Yes, it's hard to admit a flaw like that, to yourself and especially to the world but if you want to be real, if you want to learn from your mistakes you must be brutally honest with yourself.

There are all kinds of excuses you can make and I did, but bottom line is that is you did it, own it, make a change and move on.

Here's the funny thing, I was just a liar in my marriage, in the rest of my life I was brutally honest and would always tell you like it is, yet in my marriage I lied constantly.

So a few months ago, when my ex called me liar once again I had to admit he was right.This is one the facts I had to own when figuring out my part in the demise of my marriage because even if he was verbally abusive to me, I still had a part in this as well.

I never lied before, I couldn't be bother keeping up with lies so I never told them, to much work for me but in this marriage I became one, hell I was an expert liar, I lied about everything!

Yes, shocked aren't you? It didn't start off that way in the beginning I was honest and I was so in love with him, I would  have done anything for him but  as he started to get more controlling and I started letting go of my power that's when it changed.

When he started accusing me of cheating and didn't want me to see my friends anymore, it was then I started to lie.
To me it was the olny way to still do what I wanted, to keep that part of me alive, yes, all excuses, but it is what it is..

Yes, I lied about seeing friends, he would want to come with me and I knew I couldn't be myself around him, so I lied and said no men invited. My best friend was gay and he was homophobic and hated him, so when he came to town I would lie and say I was seeing a girlfriend.

I lied about being in love with him and wanting to make this marriage work when the only reason I was there was fear, fear of making it on my own, fear of the unknown, fear of losing this "big lifestyle" I was living in.(or dying in, as I realized now)

I lied all the years that I had an emotional affair with my high school sweetheart, all the secret phone calls, the letters, my heart was with him not in my marriage. I lied about sneaking onto Facebook to talk to old friends who I desperately missed.

I even lied about going to church how bad is that? Yes, it's bad and that was the last straw, I knew I had to change, all the lies were eating me up inside, remembering them became a chore, I wanted to be free of all of it!

And so I made a change, simple as that, I woke up and had enough and I decided to change. I stopped lying because I knew I was finished in this marriage, it was over and I was done. There was no reason to lie anymore, I learned my self worth and I could finally be me without the fear of what he was going to do to me, this set me free.

All of this, admitting to my mistakes, owning my part, letting out the huge skeleton out of my closet, made me realize if I was going to write this blog I had to be brutally honest with you all and so I am.

So today my friends, take a deep, hard look at yourself and be brutally honest when you look at your flaws, then own what you did and make the decision to change, it's never to late.

"Be the change you want to see"

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