Happy Birthday To My Beautiful Daughter

Happy birthday to my beautiful daughter. My message to you.

I have always felt blessed even while I was going through my horrible childhood but even then, I felt God's hand in my life.

When I was 21 the doctors found out that I had endometriosis and they told me they wanted to do a hysterectomy on me. They said it didn't matter because I wouldn't be able to have children anyway but I had this crazy faith even back then. 

I knew I was going to have children. There was nothing more important in my life than to have a child and I knew that God was going to make this possible. Fast forward years later, I got married and we tried to have a baby for 5 years. I went to specialist after specialist and they all said the same thing that I had too much scar tissue and it would be a miracle if I did.

I finally got pregnant and had a miscarriage. We were crushed but I kept praying and then that miracle happened. I got pregnant again, we were beyond happy. You wanted to come out fast, from the beginning. You were crowing at 7 months, and I was put on bed rest. No moving except to go to the bathroom, boy, this almost killed me, as I am always on the go.

But I wanted this baby, you, so I did what I was told including waking up every 2 hours to take my medicine. I had 15 trips to the hospital and too many sleepless nights of worry. But 2 weeks early, my incredible blessing was born on this day 28 years ago at 10:48 am weighing 5 lbs 5 oz.

I can't tell you how happy I was to hold this miracle in my arms. God had blessed me with a healthy baby girl which we named Victoria Lauren after your dad's grandma Virginia and my dad Louis. You were perfect and still are in my eyes.

I look back and can't believe it's been 28 years already.

I can remember as if it was yesterday, the first day of kindergarten as I cried as I walked you to your class. I remember being your room mom, taking you to dance classes, and cheering you on. I remember baking cookies with you while we did homework.

So many memories of the park, the parties, the beach, of teaching you how to ride a motorcycle, play poker, and all the laughs making lasagna with all of your friends in the house, and of course, singing off-key in the car wherever we went.

I remember as you got older how you became the voice I didn't have against your dad. How you would stand up to him for me. These are not happy times for us and I am sorry I was not stronger for you but it made our bond even tighter. You learned to forgive and move on. I am learning to forgive myself for the strength I didn't have then. You were the child, and not my protector but we are both learning and growing from all of that. 

I prayed through your teenage years as you were wild and hanging with a crowd I didn't like. You were tough on the outside yet you have this huge heart of gold.

You pushed me away yet I held on tight. I told you all the good you had inside of yourself and all the things you could and would be. 

I knew you were a chosen child that God had placed here for a reason and I was always going to be in your corner.

You were the one who told me to leave and be happy

It was because of your words that I dared to leave, together with your sister we have made a new life. God then answered my prayers, you straightened out and now you are an incredible young woman with a smart, streetwise head on her shoulders.

You are not only beautiful on the outside but just as beautiful on the inside and I am so proud of you and this life you will be embarking on. I cry as I write this because I know you will do big things with your life, as you are a survivor and you now know your worth and will never settle for less like I did. 

You have seen your fair share of pain in your life. You have lost way too many people in such a short time and that has made you realize that life is too short and you need to make the most of every moment.

All of this that you've gone through has made you the wonderful woman that you are today. I love you so much there are not enough words to express my love for you.

So I will tell you to soar…

Fly on the wings of the angels that will keep you safe and that first put you in my arms...you are meant to soar my child.

Just know that I will always be here cheering you on.

Always ready to hold your hand or for a shoulder to cry if you need it. This is the beginning of your incredible life....so live it large!

With all my love,

Now, always and forever 

Mom

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