The death of a friendship is more painful than the death of a relationship

Tgif Treadmill Treats

The death of a friendship is more painful than the death of a relationship

I have had many relationships in my lifetime, I have been hurt over and over, I have been lied to, cheated on, left hanging, been abused, had many men not willing to step up, yet I have survived.

When so many of you who read my book, asked how did I go through all I've been through, I think I often wonder that myself but the one constant was I had my friends to lean on, I always knew I could count on them to be there for me and I knew I'd be okay.

I am an olny child, my friends were my family and anyone who knows me, knows that. I would do anything for my friends, they are the family I choose for myself.

I love big, I love deep and I love with my whole heart I don't hold back. I will defend you, stand up for you, be there in the middle of the night, give you all of  my money I had for a new air-conditioning unit.....
I would do anything for a friend in need.
All I ask....is loyalty, trust and your heart in return.

So when yet again another friend has ripped my heart out, I am more devastated than if I lost a man in my life.

See with men, well they come and go, you can have 10 relationships but one best friend through them all. I would never again pick a man over a friend, because that friend will always be my friend, that man may turn out to be an ex husband and did in my case.

But when your friend, one of your best friends, do it to you, there is a hurt that is so deep, that cuts you like no other hurt. It is literally like they have cut a piece of your heart out. You can't breathe, you can't think, you are so hurt that your head is spinning.

And your mind can't wrap around what's going on and all you can do is cry...
I want to close off my heart, I want to scream why? Haven't I been hurt enough? Hell, I've been hurt enough for two lifetimes, isn't this enough?

I continue to believe in my God even though I can't hear him, even though I can't possibly imagine what lessons this is supposed to teach me, even while I feel lost and alone, I will hold strong in my faith because without it is don't think I could survive.

I will go on because that is who I am....a surviver, maybe a little less open, maybe with a little less of my heart, maybe with a little less trust..but I will go on hopefully to teach my girls a valuable lesson.

So today...I am sorry I can't say my friends because I no longer know who you are.. 

Today...I hope you know that no matter how many times life beats you up, I am here to let you know,
I will survive this as well.
Hell if I survived all I did in my life and what life keeps throwing at me, you should know you can do it too.

Be the change you want to see"

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