The painful lesson you've taught me

As I have time to digest all that has happened in few last few days I keep thinking why would someone do this? What would make one person want to hurt another person in this way? We known each other since we were twelve, when you were nineteen and came out of jail and no one in our town would speak to you, I was there, I took up for you, I believed you were set up and I voiced my opinion loud and clear, even when your high school sweetheart dumped you for another man, I was there. So thirty years go by and here you come professing how you've always loved since then , how you couldn't stop thinking of me all these years later, that you weren't going to let me get away again, that all you wanted was to marry me and make me happy.Me, being the trusting person that I am believed you,I so wanted to be loved and was craving affection coming out of a loveless abusive marriage,I fell for it.  Even when everyone said don't, he hasn't changed,I was your biggest cheerleader,  I said no everyone can change , he's older, wiser, give him a chance to prove himself. I stood up for you , I had your back, I cared for you , I welcomed you into my home , my life , I introduced you to my most precious gifts, my girls. I told you from the beginning my faith was my life, that it saved my life and I had to make sure that this was right with what God wanted me to do as I didn't want to make yet another mistake.  I took you to my saving grace , my church , I introduced you to my church family, I gave you my heart. I am far from perfect as I say every day in my blog , I am not by any means  as you called me a "holy roller" I am just a person who has had a rough life trying to do better and be a better person and hopefully be a blessing to others. I was not out to take advantage of you , I fought you tooth and nail about all the things you did and bought for me. I never wanted anything from you but truth, respect and that you wouldn't cheat, that was it. I told you could I take care of myself, but you said you wanted to do these things , buy me these things because you were staying at my house, driving my car, eating my food and that you wanted to see me smile. I left a marriage with money, I walked away from it all for peace and happiness money doesnt matter to me, the gifts were special to me because you listened not their value.  Yes was it wrong to break into your phone? yes it was but when I asked you to see the messages before, you were so adamant about me not trusting you, a red flag went off loud and clear. For me I had no other choice before I  got involved in a final decision like moving in together or marriage, I needed to be sure and if this was what I needed to do , so be it! Again I am not perfect, I am human. What I saw made me sick , how could you tell me all those things and tell other women the same things? How could you as your professing your love for me do the same to others? How could you lie knowing how vulnerable I was? I was not a 1-800 girl, I was someone who you knew  for the last 30 years. Your mad about me breaking into your phone? well I'm mad that you broke my trust, my faith , my hope that not all men are dogs! I am a kind person, I would never intentionally hurt another human being , its just not in me, I go out of my way to show people kindness and lift them up. Read my blogs every day , I put it out there for the whole world to see and judge me on,  I hide nothing! It is who I am , who I say I am! You haven't and wont given me an answer on why you would do this and at this point I longer care what your reasons were. I was taken in by your lies and deceitfulness and I have learned yet another lesson and have taught my girls one as well, that you never put up with a lying , cheating man, thank you for that! I truly, truly hope that no man will ever treat your daughter the way you've treated me. I am done with you and all of this , I will continue on my journey just a little bit wiser and a little less trusting, I wish you good luck on your life and all you do.