Am I too Competitive?

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

Am I too Competitive?

I was talking with a friend the other night and he said "You know your very competitive, you must make alot of men feel bad"

I was truly taken back by his words, yes I am competitive but I never want anyone to feel bad. I never really thought about it before and so I started to  reflect on my life and how I  am the way I am.

I grew up an only child, I also grew up poor which meant I was free labor to my parents who owned a broken down farm house that they were forever trying to fix up.

I can remembered at 7 helping my parents rip down one of the old buildings on our property. My dad never looked at me as "a girl" so he taught me how to put up drywall, install toilets, fix and soder pipes, there was nothing he didnt think I could do.

My mother worked beside him, she could do anything a man could do and wasn't afraid of hard work, so from these two, I learned to never think I couldn't do anything I set my mind to.

Then there was my friends I grew up with on my block, they were only boys. My first friends were Gino and Shawn, we were the Mod Squad (those of you who are too young, google it)

Yes, Shawn was black, Gino had black curly hair and was cute and I, well... I didnt quite look like the Julie part but at 7, I was white and a girl, well close enough.

They never cut me any slack for being a girl, either I kept up or I was left behind. They expected me to climb trees, to play soccer, to build forts, to do all the normal boy things.

I was not ever going to show them I couldn't do it...Hello, Julie from the Mod Squad kept up so I was going to keep up, even if it killed me!

Through the years, I always felt more comfortable with guy friends and so I never really had many girlfriends. That caused alot of anguish for me growing up because everyone called me a slut because I hung around with the guys.

Truth be told I was a virgin until I was 18 and was with my high school sweetheart for 6 years before that even happened, but kids are mean and cruel sometimes.

Years later I remember my girls coming to me asking me how I delt with drama in school. What drama I asked? Boys didnt have drama, they have a fight duke it out and their friends again, no drama!

I never realized that surrounding myself with men all my life would make me feel like one in so many ways. I can fix almost anything in my house, I am super competitive when it comes to sports or games, I dislike drama and I am tough but I am most definitely a women who has a soft and caring heart. A women who has your back and isn't afraid to work with you, beside you, a women who is a ride or die girl for you.

Yet as we get older men have more ego's to protect and they don't want a women showing them up. They don't want an equal they want a women to be
"a women" whatever the hell that means.

I remember being on a date on night and we were playing pool. I won the first two games and yes maybe I did the happy dance  (Hello did you read the title of the blog?)
By the third game he was really pissy about the fact that I was winning so I  threw the last game and he said "You let me win" I told him no because I didnt want to bruise his ego. But it was really hard for me not to give it my all, to be competitive, to want to keep up and win, this is who I am.

So I will think about how to do this from now on, being myself but thinking more like an adult and not a 7 year old trying not to be left behind. I will take others feelings into consideration before I say or do a happy dance.

So today my friends, when someone tells you something about yourself, don't take offense, stop and think about their words, think about why you do the things you do and think maybe there might be some truth in them...we can all learn to change for the better if we have an open mind and a open heart.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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