I forgive you, my best friend...my wifey

Hump day Treadmill Treats

I fogive you, my best friend, My wifey.

I write from my heart, I am a passionate person, I am passionate about my writing, I am passionate about my relationships and I am passionate about my friends.

So when I am hurt, it cuts me deep and I cant help but to express my feelings through my words, it is what I do, it is who I am.

When my best friend did me wrong this summer I was devastated. We did everything together, we were best friends, we jokingly called each other wifey as we were both single and we figured we'd never find the right guys.

So when I tell you this hurt me more than a man could ever hurt me, it did.
I am a friend till the end, I am a ride or die friend.
I will do anything for my friends, to me my friends are the family I choose for myself. So when I am betrayed by someone, especially a best friend, it was more then I could handle.

So I wrote about it, I was angry, I was hurt, I wanted to hurt her back, is it Christian? No...it was human and I am human.

My words were filled with hatred, my blog spilled over with bitterness and yet I couldn't stop myself.
I couldn't get over the fact that she could do this to me and so I wrote as if I was talking to her.

I look back now and realize that, that was not me talking, that was the pain and anger speaking for me.
It was something that over came my good sense (not that I have that much to begin with)

As time went on I realized that I had to forgive her, that it was for me and not for her, as the pain was eating me up alive. I had to let it go and the only way to do this was to forgive her.

But before I could do it I needed to go through the steps of grieving, as I was grieving the loss of a best friend, I needed to go through the five stages first.They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Yes, I went through denial, this wasn't as it seeemed it was, it was a mistake, she could never do this to me.

I went through anger,
oh that was a long one for me to get through, really long... read my blogs from then, there was lots of anger, I was really pissed!

I went though bargaining,
I said to God maybe if she admitted she was wrong, if she gave me back my money, if..if...if

I went through depression, I lost my best friend, I lost my money, I had no air conditioning, how could I  be so stupid? Why did this happen? Haven't I had enough hurt in my life?

Until I came to acceptance, this is what it is, I no longer have her as a best friend, I am never getting my money back, I know she is messed up and it was the drugs that made her do this. That it wasn't just me she hurt, there were others, her family, her children, all of us were hurt by her actions.

I realized that my friend wouldn't have done this, this was someone else who needed help and needed prayers and so thats what I  started doing, I forgave her and I started praying for her.

I know it's hard for alot of you to grasp this but I had to do this to move on, to let go of the bitterness and anger I felt. I didn't come this far on my journey to have anger poison my thoughts, to have bitterness take away my peace. No, I needed to figure out the lesson I needed to learn and move on.

The lesson was not everyone is here for the whole ride, it was sometimes God closes doors for a reason, it was never give what you cant afford to lose. These were the lessons I've learned and I am grateful for them even though they hurt like hell.

I miss her, I look at photos and she's in them all, I pick up the phone to tell her something and realize we dont have our daily morning talks any longer, I see things on Facebook and want to tag her and laugh but she is no longer there and it hurts my soul.

But I know this is where the both of us need to be now in our lives and I pray she is okay and want her to know I forgive her...

So today my friends, let the bitterness go, let go of the anger, forgive and learn the lesson. Pray for the person and know that everything happens for a reason.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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