Thank you for the pain

Thank you for the pain

Lately I have been in a state of gratefulness, every day, every minute and I realized that I am in this state because of all that happened in my life. Yes, because of all the pain I had, I am truly grateful today. Even during all of this pandemic, I am still grateful for all things in my life. 

This was a shock to me as well, I know you're thinking how can you be grateful for the pain in your life? It's because I realized how much the pain has taught me, and has changed me. I learned that if I didn't hit rock bottom, if I didn't wake up on the floor after a 8 day coke binge with vomit stuck on my face, all those years ago, then I wouldn't appreciate waking up clean every morning now.

If I wasn't raped I wouldn't know the meaning of true forgiveness, because I learned if I could forgive him, then I could forgive anyone. If I wasn't in a horribly abusive marriage and ended up in such a dark place, I wouldn't know what freedom and happiness truly feels like. All of the bad that happened in my life makes me appreciate all the good I have now.

Mr.Con Artist made me realize that you can't expect anyone to fill your void, that I needed to listen to my gut, and learn that being alone was okay.

Mr .Emotionally unavailable taught me to really listen when a person tells you who they are. That "the perfect package" on the outside is definitely not the same as what's going on inside.

Mr.High school sweetheart taught me that no matter how much you want the fairytale to come true, some people just cannot give it to you. You need to learn how to accept them for who they are and where they are at.

My relationship with my girls, as hard as it got during and after the divorce taught me to appreciate how close we are now and realize things can change and will change, and to just hold on through the storms. 

My friendships taught me that not everyone is coming along for the whole ride and that's okay. Some friendships will be there for you for a lifetime and will always have your back and some will not, because that's life. 

Neighbors taught me to reach out and ask for help and believe the good in people. Being vulnerable taught me that it is better to give than receive.

Fear taught me nothing changes when nothing changes, fear will keep you stuck. I learned change is a good thing, no actually it's a great thing!

Stress and depression taught me that when your hair is falling out, when you can't eat or sleep,when you worry all the time, that all of that is not going to change your present situation. So why do it? It taught me to pray and let God worry.

My God taught me to have faith and believe no matter how dark it may get, no matter how many storms are coming at me. He taught me that he got this and he got me. 

So today my friends I want to give a prayer of thanks to everyone who caused me pain. For every disappointment, for every night I lost sleep and every tear when I cried, when I cried myself to sleep, night after night. 

I want to thank you for teaching me how strong I truly was and to keep having the determination to keep going when I thought I no longer could go on. Thank you all, for now I know the true meaning of happiness and joy, I have peace and a heart of thanksgiving for every day I am alive. Thank you for the pain.

Be the change you want to see"

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

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