How far I've come

How far I've come 

When I look back I can't believe how far I've come. I've grown and changed so much in the last 10 years, more than in any other time in my life.

I saw a remember when on Facebook and it was right after my bitter divorce. I was so filled with anger and rage, so much so that I remembered being in church one Sunday and my Bishop was preaching about prayers. He said you have to pray for everyone, even your ex's. I turned and looked at my church husband and said "I pray he gets hit by a big bus!" 

Yes, I did right there in church and yes, my church husband was just as shocked he said "Girl you're in church" I said "Isn't this where I need to be real?"

I was being real, that is exactly how I felt. Pray for him? Are you kidding me? He got everything, he still kept his lifestyle, meanwhile I'm working 3 jobs. He controlled me for 24 years wasn't that abusive enough? But that day I found out he got a cleaning girl, was planning a huge fancy vacation and was looking to buy a  Maserati. Yes, I was pissed and yes, I wanted a bus to hit him.

But as I continued to go to church, I realized that God was taking care of me. As I kept growing and learning to love myself again, I started building this amazing life. I learned that I had to let go of the anger, the bitterness, the hate I felt. 

Writing my book helped me tremendously, I got to write all that I felt for all those years and let it go. I realized that in order to really move on I had to forgive and let it go. I couldn't be jealous or mad about what he was doing, I needed to forgive him for what he did...for me not him.

If I didn't let go of it, it would have eaten me up. It's like taking poison and wishing someone else dies. Seriously? My anger and bitterness wasn't affecting him, he was obviously going on with his life but it was definitely affecting my life. I needed this for me. 

Was it easy? Oh hell no, at least once a week I would fall off the wagon and think about that bus! But I kept praying that I would forgive and let it go.

Eventually and definitely not overnight I did forgive him and myself and yes, it still took a while to be able to pray for him but in time that came as well. I realized that when I did that I opened myself up to more blessings, to a freer mindspace, to a bigger heart. This changed me and my life, I no longer am jealous or even care about him. Let him live and be happy, do you boo! Because I sure as hell am doing me! 

If you believe in karma,and I certainly do. Well, karma never forgets and we all have to live up to what we did and the hurt we caused others. I know I am just fine in this department as I learned to ask forgiveness and learned to forgive.

So today my friends remember, we are never too old to learn, to grow. We can learn to let go of the hatred that is eating away inside of us. We can learn to forgive and move on without bitterness and anger. But you must be willing to change, you must do the work and even if you slip and fall, keep going because you will get there… to a place of peace and joy, that is free from all of that, so as I say at the end of every blog..

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats 

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"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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