The effects of being petty

The effects of being petty

On Saturday my beautiful sister in law (Okay, technically she's my ex sister in law)
got married, unfortunately I was not invited to her wedding.
Even though she wanted to invite me, she couldn't.

When I met her brother she was 3 years old, I have been in her life for every major event that ever happened to her. First day of kindergarten, first dance, first play, first boyfriend, high school graduation, first day of college, college graduation, you name it I was there cheering her on.

She was the little sister I didn't have, we would take her on weekends, we all vacationed together, we went out to dinner once or twice a week, every birthday, every hoilday, we spent together for 28 years.

I watched her grow into a beautiful, independent women that I am so proud of. I watched her be an amazing aunt to my girls, a wonderful daughter and a great sister.

So on Saturday I cried as I would have loved to watch her take the next steps into an new life as a married women. But because of her brother, that was not allowed, as he has such anger and hatred towards me, he would never allow that to take place.

Look I get it, I wanted the divorce, you never thought I would have the strength to make it without you. You lost, your mad, I get it but we have children, we had 28 years together, let it go for the sake of our children. You've moved on, I've moved on, let it go already.

Instead you will carry around this hatred, like your mom is still carrying 50 years later for your dad. It's sad that even for your children you cannot do this.

Look I get it, If I cheated, If I robbed all your money, if I did something horrendous to you, I could understand your anger and your pettiness. All I wanted was my freedom, my happiness for what ever time I had left on earth. I even forgave you for all you've done to me, for the 24 years of living hell I endured.
I've moved on, I forgave you, I owned my shit, I just  want to be a role model to my girls, to show them you can forgive, change your life, move on.

I would have given anything to see your sister walk down that isle, but you made that impossible but again I forgive you as I cannot have hatred in my heart. I pray you one day let this go, let go of your bitterness and pettiness, let go of the hatred, so that we can be the role models that our children need.

That we can be at a family function together and be okay, that we can share in the happiness of their lives, these two children who we  so desperately wanted and brought into this world.

I will keep praying for you, for us and for our girls that one day we are all past this.
But until that day, I will be sad that everyone we knew, all of the people who were in my life for the last 30 years will no longer talk to me because you won't allow them to.
But we all chose the path we are on....
That's their path...this is mine...

I can't live my life for anyone else but me, I can't apologize for wanting my freedom or a better life.
I am doing me so either your my friend or your not, I am still doing me.

And in doing me I will contunue to tell your sister how much she means to me.
So to my amazing sister in law...even though I wasn't there, I was there in spirit, you will forever be my sister in my heart.
I hope you have an incredible life and that God blesses you with all you wish for.
May you always have a open heart and a forgiving heart and know that I will always love you.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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