Telling it all... a bloggers confession

Telling it all..a bloggers confession 

It's funny as I went out on yet another date this weekend, he asked about my blog. I told him that I am a hundred percent real and vulnerable when I am writing. I explained that I never hold anything back, that I tell the good, the bad and even the really ugly about my life. 

So here I go again… maybe it's because it's the holiday season. Maybe it's because of the pandemic, maybe it's all the sappy Christmas romance movies I've been watching lately. Maybe it's because it's the first time in almost 3 years I'm not with someone for the holidays but it got me wondering if I will ever meet someone? 

Will I ever have that love, that will last a lifetime? Maybe you only get so many chances and I used all of mine up? Maybe I'm such an odd bird that not many men can deal with me, because I have so many friends, maybe it's because I am still friends with my ex's and their ex's…

Maybe it's because I am too independent, that I can do it all around the house and it seems like I don't need a man and that puts off men. Maybe I expect too much...honesty, loyalty, respect and many men can't or won't give that, I don't know what it is.

But in times like these where yet another date bites the dust, it makes me question all of this. It makes me wonder if I will be alone forever and it makes me really sad. Sad to realize that I wasted 24 years of being miserable, in a loveless marriage and thinking maybe that was it for me. I had my first true love years ago and my last one recently. Maybe the universe is playing a cruel joke on me by giving me my prince only to take him away because he wants kids. Anymore I just don't know what to think, maybe I'm cursed, at this point, anything is possible.

I know I am always positive and always looking on the bright side of things but after so many dates with no luck, or no chemistry it starts to wear you down. Because it's not as if I am not trying here people! Hello! I have kissed a lot of frogs! 

So why do I tell you all of this, why would I share my pain, and my humiliation with the world? It's to let someone out there know they are not alone. That we all sometimes feel this way even if 99.9 % of the world would never share this on social media and break everyone's perfect perception of who they "pretend to be" 

But you see, I will not lie about anything in my life anymore. I have no skeletons in my closet, I opened that door and let them all fall where they may. See the difference between me and others is I know I am human. I know that I fuck up, I am not ashamed or embarrassed by being human. I don't care what people think because honestly we all do it. We all make bad choices, we all screw up, we are all scared and lonely and vulnerable but so many will never admit that or show that to the world. 

I write these things because I know there is someone out there like me, who is too afraid to speak this out loud. I write for them, to tell them it's okay to feel this way, to open up, to be human. Why are we so consumed with keeping up appearances? With likes and strangers opinions of ourselves? Don't you realize they will talk shit about you whether it's true or not. Whether they know you or not, it doesn't matter, so why worry about it?

Do they pay your bills? Do they own you? Only if you let them in your head but otherwise opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. So who cares what they think or say, this is your life and you need to live it on your own terms.

So today my friends,I want you to know that it's okay to be lonely, to feel sad, to think you may be alone forever because we are all human and these are all human emotions. 

But at the end of the day, I will always be Tinkerbell, I will always hold on to that hope of happily ever afters and as I say all the time, one day can change your life, one person can change your life. You never know...and that is what keeps me going, that is what keeps me, keeping on. That is what keeps me kissing all them frogs, because there is always a sliver of hope that one of them may turn out to be your prince.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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