I go back....

Tuesday Treadmill ReTreats

I go back...

There's a song called I go back by Kenny Cheney, its about how when he hears a song he goes back in time and remembers a time when he was growing up and his first love and all the fun he had during those summers.

I know sometimes when I hear a certain song I am right back in that spot, I am having my first kiss with my first love listening to Barry Mantilow's Weekend in England.

I can feel the breeze blowing, I can remember the smell of the lilac trees, I remember sitting outside his house, I remember the chair we were sitting in, I remember how he softly touched my face and then he kissed my lips and I thought I would die.

I remembered how much I was in love with him and how I thought that this love would last forever. It's amazing that one song could take you back 30 years and put you right in that spot. Sometimes, that same song is not always such a great thing, sometimes it makes you relive painful memories of how even after all these years you still feel the same way for that person, even when you know better.

Even when you know you can't be together, that nothing changes when nothing changes, yet your heart doesn't get the message. You hear that song and you are back, you can't breathe, you still get butterflies and yes you still think what if?

You call your friends because you want them to bring you back to reality but your heart aches for this person, you know its better this way, but.... you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is and will always be your soul mate.

That even when you run into him, even after thirty years, there is still a connection, that everyone can see and feel. Yet..This is not to be, at least not in this lifetime anyways.

So you go on with your life, you try to forget, you meet others, yet he still has that imprint on your heart and as hard as you try to erase it, it is still there and those days when you think you are doing okay, Bam! Here comes that song, that memory and it's all over, you are back there again.

It hurts so bad, your heart feels like its bleeding, you know he's a great guy, good heart, he's never chested, never lied, it was just circumstances that have torn you apart and you still ache for him, you still wonder why?

Yet this is how it is and you have to go on with your life, but you know it doesn't matter how many years will pass, you know that you will be eighty and when you hear that song you will go back....

** I know this is a tough time of year so I will be putting this number out there for all that needs it...I been there and I know how dark it may seem especially during the Christmas season, there is help, it will get better...I am living proof of
"This too shall pass"**
Please get help, call today:
National Suicide Hotline: 24/7
1-800-273-8255

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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