Why I talk about my past....

Hump day Treadmill Treats

Why I talk about my past..

Ever jump out of bed because you love what you do?
That's how I feel about writing this blog and today I couldn't wait to be on this treadmill to write.

Yesterday a reader wrote me and asked me why I talked so much about my past life and my ex and I have this to say:

Dear reader,
The reason I talk so much about my past life and my ex is that I am the voice so many women do not have.
I am the champion of this cause.
I will keep shining the light on a subject no one wants to talk about.
I will write and give hope to women who are still struggling to leave and until my last breathe I will talk about this, that no one should have to live and be treated like this, ever.

You have no idea of how many women reach out to me and tell me that because of my writing they got the strength to leave, that they saw my journey and it gave them hope.
How they used my strength, my unstoppable faith to stand tall, to believe in themselves again, to gain the courage to finally leave.

Funny enough, last night I was speaking to an ex's ex
(Yes, I am that women who is friends with her ex's exs because let's be real, they had good taste in women so why shouldn't we be friends?)

She told of the hope I use to give her when she read my blogs, how she could relate to my pain, how she was in the same place and prayed that one day she would be free like I was.

Who knew this would come full circle with me dating her ex and then me realizing that I was going back into the Lions den yet again until I decided that this voice inside of me was screaming too loud for me to ignore anymore.

Hello!! Did I not know the signs? Did it not take me 24 years to get out of the last one? Was the last boyfriend a con artist? And yet here I was again.

See I am human, I still have things to work through especially when it comes to men and the ones I pick, but I speak of all of this in my blogs to show other women we all do dumb things like this and it's a process, it's a lesson that some of us take longer to get than others and it's okay.

As we were talking, we realized that we both knew the journey, we were glad to be able to have each other to validate our feelings, that we weren't "crazy" that these was his issues and not ours, that the signs were there from the beginning and yet we both chose to ignore them.

That sometimes the whole world sees a different picture, this "Great man" that is far from great behind closed doors and your the "crazy one"
Why would you ever leave such a good man?
Your labeled unstable or uncommittable when you dam well know he will never own his own issues.

She never spoke to me, she never spoke a bad word about this man as she thought maybe he had changed his ways, maybe I was the one to make him want to change.

As we talked deep into the night, we've come to realize you have to own your stuff in order to change, you have to admit to your faults and dear reader if you read my blog regularly, you will know I put it out there, all my faults, all of my issues...I am not blindly telling readers do as I say not as I do...

I've had counseling, my kids had counseling, I am far from perfect as I tell you all this all the time. I own what I do, I own that I screw up, I raise my hand when I do something stupid.

Hello!! Keep picking losers than write about it for the whole world to see, then get back to me!

I do this so others will see the real me, the same real them they see when they look into the mirror. I am just like them except I am blessed to have this platform to speak from, to tell my story, to make them think, to cry, to have hope, to see they are not alone...

So dear reader this is why I write about my past and my ex not that I can't let go, not that I can't forgive (Read back I've even forgave my rapist, my ex was alot easier to forgive)
Not that I am uncommittable, or I am crazy...no sweetie I write because I am the voice they no longer have...I hope that I can just give one person hope, that one person can say if she did it, I can do it.

I am real and I am raw and that is what the world needs more of, so if my writing about my past bothers you maybe you need to ask yourself why?

Maybe you need to a read another blog, a more flowery one, maybe this blog isn't for you and you know what it's all good.
I am not for everyone and this is why I love America because you can change the channel, you can pick and chose...you have a choice but for the readers out there struggling, know I will never stop, I will forever be your voice, I will keep being here telling you how amazing your life can be if you believe, if you chose the life you want...

This my friend, is what motivates me every day to write about my past...

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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