I am so not perfect

Hump day Treadmill Treats

I am so not perfect

I am so not perfect, let's just put that out there, let's be real.
If you read my blogs you know that if I am nothing, I am real. Some of you think I am too real and ask me how I can put all my business out here.

It's so that my readers can see themselves in me, in my troubles, in my struggles and say hey, if she can get past this so can I.

I have to tell you, it takes way too much work to be perfect.
I did that for way too many years, trying to please someone else, trying to fool the world to see what was not there.

I don't want to ever have to do that again, I have flaws, we all have flaws, some of you are too ashamed or embarrassed to show them to the world as if we're all not human and as if we all don't make mistakes.

We are all not perfect but for some reason in this society, you have to have this facade that you're perfect, that you never do anything wrong and nothing bad ever happens to you, in this perfect little social media world.

We want other people to look at us that way, look at me and my perfect life.... look at the house of lies I live in...look at the big expensive house I have but can't afford a pizza, look at the designer clothes I dress in, looking like a million dollars  but the crediors calling every day, look at my perfect family, yet we are a disfunctional mess behind this wall of lies.

That's way too much work for me...I swore if I ever got out of my web of lies that I would never lie again. Look I'm so not perfect, I curse like a sailor when I'm in traffic, well...that might be a New York thing....

Okay, I curse like hell all the time, so what? I wear my heart on my sleeve, I love big, I fly off the handle and say things I should hold on to until I calm done. I sometimes have a short fuse when it comes to my kids and their things that piss me off but I am quick to apologize.

I can get very passionate about things I believe in, sometimes too much so. I see the best of people, too much, as I am almost blinded to the truth.

I expect people to act like me, be honest, be a great friend, be a good person and yet not everyone is like that and I get mad when they are not.
I expect honesty ha! Not in the dating world but I still expect it.

I am a Christian but I am definitely not perfect here either...
I've broken many commandments...Oh don't act shocked, we all have, get real!

I get down, I ask why me? When will it be my turn God?
I ask God for something and when he provides I ask for another sign just to make sure.
I questioned him, I've cursed at him, I have even stopped believing in him yet he has always been there for me.

No, I am far, far from perfect and truthfully I don't know if I ever want to be perfect. I need to learn more lessons, I need to pray for help, I need to remember where I've come from to give thanks, I need to grow and change. When you are perfect, you are done, there is no room for any of that.

So today my friends, remember we are all not perfect, we will fall, we will struggle, we will screw up and screw up big time (At least if your like me, anyhow)
But it's about learning, it's about paying it forward with our knowledge, it's about being real and raw...if we were all like that, we wouldn't need to kill ourselves trying to be "perfect"

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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