I am heartbroken

Treadmill Treats Monday Message

I am heartbroken

There are no words to describe the lost of a best friend, your heart feels like it's breaking in half, you feel like the wind was kicked out of you, you can't breathe and no matter how many friends you lose it never gets any easier.

So when I got a phone call that one of my best friends I grew up with had just passed, all these emotions and more came rushing over me.

It was a beautiful day at the beach, a perfect beach day, I had just finished having dinner with my neighbor and sat down to do some writing on my 2nd book.
I was writing a chapter on how I had so many losses in my life, how I felt like maybe I've did something horrible in a past life that I was paying for it in this life.
When the phone rang and I got the news, just like that life can change once again.

You never know, I had just saw him, we had spent the weekend together last month on my visit home.

We laughed, we talked about all the great times we shared, I got to spend lots of quality time with him. We talked about all that we were grateful for, that after so many years of our lives taking different paths, we were blessed to find each other again.

We talked about meeting when we were 13, of how we were inseparable, how we rode the Boces bus together, how later on we worked together in the hotels upstate, taking the Concord bus home together. Going out to Bummies, the local collage pub, while we were in college.
How every morning we would wake up early to play tennis at Dehoyes park before we went off to work.
How we would sit at the launch at the lake, looking up at the stars, telling each other our hopes and dreams. All the late nights dancing at the Down under, The Chateau and Club 39, then going off to get an early morning breakfast at Gagers dinner or hot bagels at 3 am at the Bagel bakery.

We reminisced about how we lived together in Fort Lauderdale on the beach, me, him and his fiancee in an efficiency apartment. That we didn't even care because we were overlooking the ocean and next nextdoor  there was all these famous places to party  at like Summers, The Elbow room and Penrods.

We talked about the thousand other memories we had shared, the secrets, the only you know stories and the late night I need someone to talk to, phone calls...

We also went deep, I spoke of how I loved you, too much to watch you throw your life away and how I let you have it. How it broke my heart to have to walk away when I knew you loved drugs more than you loved me and the people around you.

But even when push came to shove, even after all that, I was there for you when your dad died and I picked you up at the airport, took you to the funeral and stayed with you all weekend because no matter what, you were and always would be my best friend.
I let you know how my heart broke for you, because your pain was my pain, because I loved you that much.

Years flew by and we lost touch, you got your life together, you got married, had a baby, became a owner of successful restaurant across the country.

Then somehow God brought us together again two years ago and even though many years had past between us, it was as if it was yesterday, we didn't skip a beat, we were right back to where we left off.
We called each other every few days, hey how are you, what's doing...
Because we were so happy to be in each other's lives again.

And when we finally saw each other how it felt like home. I will be forever grateful for the that, the time we got to reconnect, the last two years of catching up and being friends again.

I know God had a plan for you, calling you home so early and even though my heart is breaking and I can't possibly see it now, I know you will be waiting for me when I come home.

I will miss your smile, your New York accent, the way you always greeted everyone with your arms outstretched, your warm and caring personality, the way you made everyone feel welcomed and loved. I will miss the way you laugh, throwing your head back, your shit ass grin and the way you always told me how much you loved me every time we said good bye.

So my dear friend until that day comes, my heart will be sad, my eyes will cry tears for you as I will miss you so very much and I will dream of our talks and the laughter that I will miss because there will always be a hole in my heart that you once filled.

I love and will miss you dearly my best friend... Steven Morak.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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