Happy birthday to my mini me

Happy birthday to my mini me 

It seems like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant.

I can remember when the doctor told me that my chances were slim to none to even get pregnant and now he was telling me that he didn't think I would carry this baby to full term. He was shocked I even got pregnant in the first place as my endometriosis was so bad.

I remember having pre labor and having to take medicine every 2 hours, all day and night, being on full bed rest, her crowing at 7 months and way too many trips to the emergency room.

I remembered how I prayed every day to let me have this child I so wished for and then God answered my prayers, she came 3 weeks earlier on December 17, the exact day I had a miscarriage a year before.

Yes, she was truly a gift from God and she has been my gift ever since.

She was the best baby and the best little girl you could ask for. She always listened, never left my side, she became the best big sister and then she became my protector and defender as soon as she got old enough to see the pain I faced each and every day with her father.

She got more beatings than I can count from her father and went to bed hungry on countless nights as she spoke up and against his behavior towards me. She should have been a child and I was supposed to protect her, yet here she was protecting me..

God, how I wish I could erase the past and rewrite her childhood. I can never get over the guilt I carry by putting those burdens on a child...there are not enough words to say I am sorry.

She then got to a stage of rebellion, she got wild, she was almost uncontrollable. She ran with a fast crowd, got into all kinds of messes, was probably punished most of her teenage years, yet she always had a kind heart and a giving and caring nature and she was always still there protecting me.

When she finally asked me to leave my sham of a marriage, when she said that if I was staying for her and her sister, that I shouldn't do it. She wanted me to be happy and so her words gave me the strength to leave and know we would be okay.

The years since we left have been the best, there have been countless laughs, late night talks, sitting around the table actually eating together. She has grown into a beautiful, kind and compassionate young women.

She has a determination that is unbelievable  (Wonder where she got that from?)

I remember at 10 she drew up a contract that if she fed the sugar gliders that we breed, every night for 6 months,that we would buy her a monkey she desperately wanted. We laughed as we all signed it, never in a million years thinking she would do this without us telling her, but sheer determination made her fulfill her end and yes, she got her monkey! That is who she is even back then.

She has faced unbelievable obstacles, she has lost more friends than a young woman should know of, she overcame a stalker ex boyfriend and she proved her dad and so many others that said she couldn't do it, wrong.

And she still went through it all with class, finesse and a beautiful heart and even though we sometimes fight like hell, I love her with all my heart and soul.

Recently while we were on a family vacation in Costa Rica we spoke of all of this me, her and her sister. She told me that there was nothing to forgive me for and that she had already forgiven her father as she needed to move on without the pain and hatred she was feeling. She and her sister healed the wounds of the past as well. Wow… how did I get so lucky to have raised such an amazing woman?

So today my friends, I want you to wish my beautiful daughter a happy birthday!

Sweetheart, I am so proud of who you are, I am so proud of your accomplishments, your strength and most of all, your heart...

I know you have this incredible future ahead of you, I know you can and will do anything you set your mind to..I know you will be my heart and my best friend until I take my last breath...

You my child have always been my best gift from God and I am so very grateful for him blessing me with you! I love you to the moon and back! Happy birthday my mini me!

** I know this is a tough time of year so I will be putting this number out there for all that needs it...I have been there and I know how dark it may seem especially during the Christmas season, there is help, it will get better...I am living proof of 

"This too shall pass"**

Please get help, call today:

National Suicide Hotline: 24/7

1-800-273-8255

"Be the change you want to see"

 

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