It doesn't matter why they cheat, it's not about you
It doesn't matter why they cheat, it's not about you.
Since I started writing this blog I have gotten a huge response on my post's, I am truly grateful that this gift that God gave me has touched so many people.
Sometimes I get letters asking for advice,and I am shocked because I know I am no Ann Landers,(Sorry dinosaur reference)
See I fall on my face more than anyone I know, I make bad decisions and I definitely pick the wrong men so when they ask for my advice I am incredibly touched that they would want my opinion. The reason I write this blog is to inspire others to do what they didn't think they could do and to get these letters, well it touches my soul, and I am truly grateful, so thank you everyone.
This last week alone 3 women reached out to me about a cheating boyfriend, husband, or lover, they all wanted to know what they did wrong, why didn't they see the signs and what I did to get past my situation, that I so publicly went through.
Again I am so not a love expert but this is what I shared with them.
1- First of all, it's not about you.
You can be the best wife or girlfriend. You can keep yourself beautiful, have your home spotless, cook like a chef and supply his every need in the bedroom and yet he will still cheat.
This is an ego thing for him, it has nothing to do with you. He doesn't feel like a real man inside and constantly needs to feel like the big man on campus over and over again.
No matter how much you feed his ego, he needs to feel it from others. Maybe he's a con man like my ex was and this is his job, to con women for his own gain. Maybe he likes the thrill of being close to the edge of getting caught, whatever the sick reason is, none of them have to do with you! These are his issues not yours! Do not beat yourself up!
2- There are signs.
Yes, trust me they are there yet you chose not to see them. You poo poo them away, you make excuses for them but I'm here to tell you that yes, 1+1 doesn't add up to 2.
Well you know he has 2 jobs..insert excuse.
He is a good man... insert excuse.
Well he said… insert excuse.
Maybe you were blindsided but if you look back with clear eyes, there were things that didn't sit right, that didn't fit together, that didn't feel right inside of you.
Let me tell you that is your intuition talking. Listen to it! It works, it's there for a reason, trust me on this.
3- How did I get over it?
This is huge...huge, it's all about your self worth. Ask yourself what are you worth? Do you love yourself? How much? Then ask if it's okay to let someone do this to you? The answer is no! You need to love yourself enough to know that you are a smart, beautiful, kind and sweet woman and that any other man would be lucky to have you.
To cherish the ground you walk on,but this man, this is not the right one because he doesn't feel that way, otherwise he wouldn't have done what he did.
You deserve to be treated like the Queen you are and NOTHING LESS!!
Hear me, nothing less!
There are plenty of fish in the sea. Why hold on to one that is a snake, who is beat up, obviously defected, throw his ass back and keep fishing until you get that prize, that award winning one. He's out there and you know how I know that there are good men out there? Because we are good women and we are out there, so there has to be some good men out there as well.
I am also here to tell you that it's okay to be alone too, God so many of us are afraid to be alone, but treasure this time, learn who you are, and what you want. Take this time to expand your interests, learn something new, try new things, and meet new people. You will be okay being by yourself and you will realize that you will not settle for a man that isn't going to treat you right, ever!
Yes it will be hard.... you will cry, you will question everything. You will curse and get mad but then you must choose to go on, learn the lesson, and learn to forgive.
Yes, I said forgive not for him but for you, so you can let go of the hate and give it to your higher power, whatever that may be and move on.
You have just learned the most valuable lesson of your life. You have learned how much your self worth is, and you've learned that you will never be treated that way again. You've learned that you would rather be alone than to sell your soul for a fancy bag, flowers or a warm body in your bed.
You know who you are and one day, you will thank him for making you into this strong woman that you will become.
So today my friends, remember this has nothing to do with you, this is a lesson and either you can learn from it or you can repeat the same mistake over and over...The choice is yours...The choice has always been yours, choose wisely.
"Be the change you want to see"
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"
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