Letting go of childhood hurts

Hump day Treadmill Treats

Letting go of childhood hurts

I have grown a lot in the last five years, more than I could have ever imagined.
I left a abusive marriage after 24 years, I started my own business that now supports me and my girls, I stepped out of my box more times than I care to remember, I have forgiven people I never thought I would, people who I actually pray for now.

Yes, I have definitely grown but I am human and I definitely have more growing to do, yes, even at this age.

I, like so many of you, have had things that happened in our childhood that might have sucked and even 20, 30, 40 years later, they can still be triggered.

You are right back there, feeling the same way, hurting just as bad, because we are still holding on to these emotions.

This happened to me the other day, someone from my past Facebook me, they left me a beautiful message about how I am  inspirational, how I've overcome so many things to turn into a positive, beautiful women. Sounds nice right?

So why are my panties in a bind, you might ask, because I am still holding on to the things they did and said when I was young.

Yes, that beautiful message, meant well, sent me right back to a dark place I thought I was over but clearly aren't.

Was I expecting a apology? Was I expecting an explanation on why they treated me so bad while I was a young girl? Maybe, oh Hell, lets be honest that's exactly what I was expecting!

How do you just hit someone up after 30 years like "Hi how are you?"  And not say "Sorry I such a prick to you years ago"

Did they forgot how mean they were to you, treated you worst than Cinderella?
Did that just slip their mind? And they were hoping it slipped yours as well?

Whatever it was or wasn't about, it obviously showed me I still needed work on myself. Maybe they are at a point in their lives where they are trying to make amends, maybe they are old and have forgotten it, maybe I was young and it was different than I remember it?

Hell, I resented my ex finance for years for not being there for me when my best friend died and I needed him the most. Years later when that came up when I wrote about it in my book, he said "How could I be there for you, you broke off our engagement, you broke my heart, I was in such pain and yet you expected me to be there for you?"

I never saw it that way, it was all about me and my pain so much so that I never saw it from his point of view, huge eye opener for me...maybe its not the way I saw it...

Whatever it may or may not be, its really about learning and letting go.They reached out to me, it seemed real, and its now about me, its in my court, to either hold on to past hurts from 30 plus years ago or take it from where they are at now and move on.

See this is all about the choices I am always talking about, we all have choices we make every day, we get to chose. I can hold on to the anger and bitterness from long ago or I can reach out and forgive, even if they didn't ask for my forgiveness.

Even if in their minds they did nothing wrong, this forgiveness is for and about me, so that when I heard their names, when a thought comes in my head, I don't end up in that dark place again.

So today my friends,
I chose to take another step, me and that little, hurt child I was so long ago are walking hand in hand to open our arms and forgive them and then we will be walking away into our incredible future with a peaceful heart and cleared mind.

Maybe this message was for you today, maybe your still holding on to that hurt child, maybe its time to make that choice and let it go, being free from the past is an amazing feeling, trust me I know.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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