Missing my mom

Missing my mom

Yesterday was 7 years since my mom has been gone and there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss her.
There are still days when I go to pick up the phone to call her or think I'll ask mom, then realizing that she is no longer here and my heart breaks yet again.

I can't believe it's been 7 years as it seems like yesterday. I remember the night I found out she was gone and the only thing I could think of was how was I going to tell Sarah, that was her best friend, they were thick as thieves, this was going to devastate her.

Even going through my own pain, I was more worried about my daughter's pain more, my heart broken for her more than myself.

This is what mother's do, this is why when you lose your mother, your heart never fully recovers.

Her passing made me reevaluate my life, it made me think of how short life was and how at any time it could be taken away from us. Even in her death she gave me a gift, a gift of freedom because I realize that I didn't wanted to die in this unhappy, verbally abuisve marriage, I needed to get out and be happy for as much time as I had left.

So because of who she was and the gifts she gave me and so many others, every year on her birthday and the anniversary of her death me and Sarah celebrate her life. We go to her favorite place, the beach, we talk about her, her laugh, her big heart, the way she would help anyone out or invite anyone to our table. The hard worker she was, working 6 days a week from 11 at night to 7 in the morning, waiting on drunks in the local diner.

How she would help my dad fix our old broken down farm house all the time, how she took care of my misrable grandmother until she died and my step father for all those years while he had Alzheimer's.

She didn't have much but she would give all she had to others, she was truly loved by everyone and I am proud to have called her my mom.

I've learned so much from her and continue to pass that down to my daughter's to be strong women like her.
I keep her legacy alive by doing what she did and living my life to the fullest.

So yesterday we went to dinner at a beautiful restaurant on the water and then we went to see the musical Wicked, we laughed, we talked about her, we celebrated her life as she would have wanted us to.

In doing so, she is never really gone, she is just a memory away...

Mom...We miss you, we love you and we celebrate the amazing women you were and the legacy you left behind. One day I hope to be half the women you were...
Thank you for all you've done, all you've sacrificed, all you've worked for to make it better for me.
With all our love...

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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