When you ask for a sign

When you ask for a sign

Its amazing to me that when I ask for a sign how fast I will get one. But God knows I am hard headed and so he will send many signs to me.

I remember like it was yesterday when I was in a relationship and I knew something wasn't right and so I prayed and two days later I found out he had not one but four girlfriends and a wife. People I can't make this shit up, even I am not that good of a writer!

The next relationship I was in, I also knew something wasn't right, so yet again I prayed. I wanted to walk away from this man but then he had a accident so I stayed and took care of him, I couldn't leave him in his time of need even though I knew it was time to go.

So I prayed to know when it was the right time to go and a few days later while at a church conference my Bishop spoke and these were his words "God is waiting for you to pack their bags and throw them to the curb before he is going to bless you"

That night I called him and broke it off, see I asked for a sign and he gave me one and I listened, period.

But I am human and some times I want what I want, when I want it, how I want it. Come on, we are all like this, like we know what is best or that we can handle this, even though we can't.

This last relationship I prayed that God would help me move on, I had feelings that I didn't want to have, I knew this wasn't the one yet I couldn't walk away by myself. So I prayed and got enough strenght to not call or reach out to him, at the same time he stopped reaching out to me and I thought Wtf? There's that ego...didn't I ask for help? So here it was but it wasn't the way I wanted it so now I'm mad.

I left it alone but somehow months later without a word, I was deleting him from my phone and must have texted him a period and that made him reach out to me. Knowing I shouldn't go back down that hole, I didn't listen to that voice and I texted back.

Okay people, it's like being a alcoholic, you can't test yourself with that one drink, no one drink turns into two, two drinks turns into 6, and 6 turns into a binge... trust me I know that slippery slope. Yet here I was stepping out into this icy pavement, knowing better yet thinking maybe this time will be different, maybe the time that has past made him think, made him change.

Lies....lies we tell ourselves when we are about to do something stupid and want to justify that stupid behavior.

We know if it hasn't changed by now it's never going to change. We see the signs, yes, they are coming fast and furious, yet we put our fingers in our ears and do that 5 year old thing "Na, na, na I'm not listening"

Why? Did we not see the signs? Of course we did but as humans we have hope, we believe in change, we hold on even when deep inside we know the truth.

When your head is saying remember when he did this? Remember when he wasn't there for you? Remember when he said this, so why aren't you listening? And your heart says I miss him, maybe he missed me enough to change, maybe just maybe...

Maybe nothing! Maybe your blind, maybe you like to get your heart stepped on, maybe you like to give and give and get nothing back...how about maybe that!

The signs were clear even the message at church said  "Don't let people use you? Why do you keep doing the same things expecting different results?" And when both of your best friends look at you and say "This is so your message!"

Hello! Not enough signs stupid? Yes, I get it, I admit I am slow and I need to get hit in the head a few times. Oprah once said "God first throws a pebble, then he throws a stone, then he throws a brick, and when the whole wall falls on you, then your wondering where that came from"

Yeah, that's me and probably alot of you out there reading this but when I am done, I am done and guess what I am done.
I saw that things will never change, it was and will always be about what is best for him and not me. What he wanted and needed without regard for what I needed or wanted. Hard pill to swallow but they say the truth hurts.

So yet again, I am putting out this to let others know sometimes we are too trusting, too gullible, wanting to believe the best in people, even when the signs say otherwise.

So today my friends, remember it's okay, we all make mistakes, hell I've made lots of them, read my blogs and then I put that shit out there for the whole world to see. Ha! What are you afraid of now? Nothing is as hard as this...
But as always I want someone out there to see my raw, real truth and know they are not alone.
Say what you may but I own my own shit, no matter how bad it is, I own it and grow from it and I hope you will too. So know and listen when you ask for that sign...

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise.... revealed**

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