My depression
My depression
So I know recently that I have been reposting old blogs and I haven't been doing any video vlogs as well. If you didn't know, I had hand surgery 8 weeks ago and to be totally honest I have been depressed.
If you follow me you know that I am real, that I don't sugarcoat shit, and I am not Willy Wonker. I have always been completely transparent on this blog as well as in my real life. My purpose is to let people know you're not alone, and that we all go through things in life because we are all human. But in these days of fake social media, everyone's life looks so perfect and we feel like we can't compete and that makes us feel worse.
I'm sorry to tell you that I'm not one of these people. I tell the good, the bad, and even the really ugly. And lately, it's been ugly, let's be real. Since I couldn't do anything with this wrist including all my normal stress outlets like working out or writing or even cleaning for that matter, I was so depressed. Add to that I gained weight and was in so much pain that I really didn't want to see anyone or do anything. So I laid my big ass on the couch and Netflix-binged.
For me, this was a foreign concept because even during the lockdown I was active. I exercised twice a day, we did yoga, and we did a thousand projects in the house, I didn't have downtime then like everyone else did. But this was different and really difficult for me, not being able to take care of myself. Having to depend on others, having no creative outlet, and basically laying around, I have to tell you, this sucked! And with that, I fell into depression. After a while I didn't feel like doing anything, just leave me alone to lay on my couch with my "cookies" and my TV.
I now understand how this can snowball into months and years if you let it. How some people get stuck in a rut and they can't get out of it because this was definitely a rut for me. I wanted to forget all my problems, no work, bills pulling up, no help, no man, and my ass getting bigger, all of these things weighed heavily on my mind as I lay there with nothing else to do but think. Even if I could work out or had the motivation to, just moving this arm hurt and so that was out. So weeks went by and it got worse, I didn't even want to talk to people, just leave me alone in my sorrow and let me wallow in my pity. When I finally realized I needed to reach out to anyone for help, I needed to try to pull myself out of this hole. I prayed a lot and started to meditate as well thinking I am pulling out all the stops here. I finally reached out to some friends for a day on the beach as this is my happy place and even if I couldn't do anything there just sitting there would be better than sitting here.
Of course, my bestie reached out and we went, she also cooked dinner for me and another friend and we watched movies afterward. Even though I was in pain at least the fog lifted from my head and I felt better. Last week the cast came off and I was allowed to start walking again. I started slowly just a mile a day but at least it was something. The more I exercised, the more I felt better, I started to plan dates with friends even though in my mind I just wanted to stay on the couch.
Many afternoons I would blow off walking because I couldn't get out of my own way, but every other morning I would make myself walk at least something.
I realized that my exercise is the thing I needed and was so desperately missing during this. That any type of exercise gets your blood going and the endorphins moving in your brain and just makes you feel better. I went to the beach more, just slowly walking a little, the fresh air and breeze made me feel better. This last weekend I finally went out with friends for dinner, I actually got dressed up and had a blast! I realized the more I pushed myself out of this hole the better I felt. Imagine that? If you exercise, if you go out in nature, if you surround yourself with friends and family you can overcome your situation.
So today my friends, I'm here to tell you to reach out to your friends, your family, a Pastor, or even to a hotline if you have none of these. As hard as it may be, get your ass off the couch, take a walk, and be one with nature.
Start to pray or meditate or both, do something you enjoy, whatever it is. What you are going through now will not last forever unless you let it, it's up to you, and as I always say at the end of every blog….
Be the change you want to be…
And yes, I am writing this from my treadmill yet again!!
@treadmilltreats
Be the change you want to see"
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"
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