Why do you want to be my Facebook friend when you're not my friend in real life anymore?
Why do you want to be my Facebook friend when you're not my friend in real life anymore?
So while I was married, my ex husband didn't like any of my friends and so he made me choose between them and him. I was young, stupid and in love, so I chose him. I let go of these friends to please him. During our 24 year marriage we only were friends with his friends. Over the years, these friends became part of our family. We spent every holiday, every vacation, every occasion and weekends with them.
My girls called them Aunt and Uncles and I truly came to love them as my family as well.
When my mother passed they were there for me but when I decided that I was done with this abusive marriage, all of a sudden I was enemy number one and they all stopped talking to me.
Not a phone call or text to see how I was or if I needed anything, just like that I was dead to them.
Since I pushed most of my friends away to please him, I felt alone and hurt as I truly thought they were our friends and not just his friends.
Now if you know me or follow me you know that I am a friend for life, through thick or thin. And even though I pushed my friends away they all came to my rescue knowing the reason I did what I did was because I was in this abusive marriage. I also begged for their forgiveness, I knew what I did was so wrong but when you're in that situation your judgments are not good. I also knew they could have not forgave me for my horrible behavior but I still had to own my shit and try.
I know for myself with friends over the years who had gotten divorced that I still was friends with their ex spouses. Even when my ex was not talking to his dad and his brother, I still stayed neutral as this was his fight not mine or my girls. I still wanted my girls to have family, to not have to pick sides.
But this was obviously not the case with his friends and yes, this hurt me deeply. They never asked me why, they never allowed me a chance to tell my side, just like that poof! They cut me off for good.
About a year after the divorce one of his friends who I worked for, for many years, sent me a Facebook friend request. I sent back a message that said "You're not my real life friend, why would you want to be my Facebook friend?" Of course crickets…
My girls said that was harsh but the truth is sometimes harsh...sorry… not sorry.
This past weekend I got a friend request from one of his friends wife who I was close to and this just pissed me off. I have been divorced for the last 7 years and now you decide to send me a friend request?
Again if you know me or follow me you know that I am not Willy Wonker I don't sugar coat shit so I privately messaged her and said "I'm sorry I have to ask why would you friend request me when since I was divorced, you all acted as if I was dead??"
She responded that she never sent a friend request and she thought we were already friends. My Facebook account is only for my friends and family so how is that possible? Yes, I even checked to make sure. I sent her a screenshot of her request and she responded that she was sorry that she offended me which I replied "You offended me when you cut me off when I got divorced"
Now I am good and pissed so I posted this on Facebook:
I'm sorry I have a question: why would someone friend you when since you got divorced they acted as if you were dead to them even though you were close as family when you were married?
Bitch I don't need your friendship now 7 years later...keep it moving...
Now yes, I've been trying to not jump off, to step back and think first before speaking but I'm sorry I am human and this really bothered me.
She replied "Your post was unnecessary, as this seems like a miscommunication on facebook's part. I wish you the best Fran."
She saw my post? How is that possible? So I go check again and it's only set to friends and family and clearly she's neither. Wtf? I replied "What was unnecessary that as close as we were, you cut me off"
Her reply was "I hear you. It was a tough situation and it wasn’t something that was intentional & life moved on for us"
Which I replied "It's obvious life moved on and it was definitely intentional"
You intentionally cut someone out of your life, this is a conscious decision you chose to make, don't sugar coat it, shit is still shit no matter how much sugar you put on it.
Maybe I should have come at it differently but it's obvious that it still hurts me as it is the same lesson I guess I still need to learn…
Not everyone has your heart.
I decided I have to let it go, I said my peace and I am over it. My real friends are still here for me because I have apologized for my actions, I explained the situation, I owned my shit and I worked at repairing our friendships.
Everyone makes mistakes, we are all human but first you need to own it which she clearly hasn't.
So today my friends, remember not everyone has your heart, not everyone will own their shit, and not everyone is your true friend even if they want to be your Facebook friend.
You need to choose wisely, you need to forgive even without an apology and you need to move on.
Be the change you want to see"
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"
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