Plenty of catfish in the sea

Plenty of catfish in the sea

If you follow or know me you know that I can make jokes about anything especially when it comes to my dating life. 

This brings the most laughs on my way to work or on the home phone calls to my friends. 

Some people say to me you're too picky. What does that even mean? That I should settle? 

So wait, is that the guy who sends me a dick pic, is he the one for me? Wait! What about the guy that wants me to beat him with a wooden spoon? Should I take him?

How about the guy who wanted me to walk him like a dog and call him names, he definitely sounds like a winner! 

Come on, be real here I already settled, for 24 years. I was miserable, in an abusive marriage, and unhappy for that long, why the fuck should I ever "settle" again? 

I don't need a man, I want a man...big difference. I am not just going to lower my standards just to have a warm body beside me. 

So really, tell me, is it me? When the first text he sends is a dick pic? Or when 10 minutes into the date he asks you to rate him and you say 8.5 and he gets mad and goes on for 30 minutes about how come you didn't rate him a 10. Seriously dude? You looked nothing like your pictures, you're balding and have a potbelly, you're actually a 5.5 but I don't want to hurt your feelings.

Or the guy who asks you out for a piece of pizza and then tries to put your hand in his pants... because hell that pizza was worth it. Oh, how about I settle for this winner? 

Or the men who buy you a coffee or the ones who are too cheap to buy you one even at Dunkin Donuts for a buck twenty-five and then think they are going to get some. Ha! Yes, they seem perfect! 

How about my last date who was argumentative from the jump and called and texted me 5 times in 30 minutes? Chill man, I was taking a nap btw.

Yes, he seems just lovely…

Maybe I should settle for the guy who looked 40 in his pictures but was pushing 70 in real life but he had good filters. He could always teach me how to use them.

Or the one who was buff in his pictures from 10 years ago and said he worked out everyday but couldn't touch his toes because of his beer belly. Oh, I'm sorry he must have said he works at drinking beer, but I missed that part.

Come on, why should any of us settle? Look I get it if you're looking for someone 6'4, 190 lbs, who is an attorney and drives a Mercedes, well then you may be a little picky. But to expect a nice, loyal, funny, honest (big one there) man who you have chemistry with, is that really too much to ask for? Well if you think so, fine then I am picky. 

I don't need a man to pay my bills, to fix things around my house or to keep me warm at night, I'm good. 

I want a best friend, someone who is my king and I can be his queen. I want a relationship with equal love and giving.

I want a ride or die just like I am...nothing less and if that makes me picky, so be it.

So today my friends, whether you think I am picky or not, guess what? You're not my mother, you don't live my life or pay my bills and honestly, I don't give a shit. I will continue to keep kissing the toads out here until I find my prince. I refuse to settle, life is too short and I've already settled once before. This second half is about getting what I deserve and what I want this time and to hopefully making you all laugh along the way.

"Be the change you want to see"

@TreadmillTreats