Working Through Depression

Working Through Depression  

So I know with what's going on in this world many people are going through depression. And I know that when it hits me which isn't very often but yes, I am human and even positive people go through bouts of depression. I will repost old blogs and I won't post any video vlogs as well.

I know that this was me when I had hand surgery and to be totally honest I was so depressed.

If you follow me you know that I am real, that I don't sugar coat shit. I am not Willy Wonka. I have always been completely transparent on this blog as well as in my real life. My purpose is to let people know you're not alone, that we all go through things in life because we are all human. 

But in these days of fake social media, everyone's life looks so perfect and we feel like we can't compete and that makes us feel worse.

I'm sorry to tell you that I'm not one of these people. I tell the good, the bad and even the really ugly. And during that time it was ugly, let's be real. Since I couldn't do anything with my wrist including all my normal stress outlets like working out, writing or even cleaning for that matter. So yes, I was depressed. 

Add to that I gained weight and was in so much pain that I really didn't want to see anyone or do anything. So I laid my big ass on the couch and binged Netflix.

For me this was a foreign concept because even during the lock-down I was active. I exercised twice a day, we did yoga, we did a thousand projects in the house, I didn't have as much down time as everyone else did.

But this was different and really difficult for me, not being able to take care of myself. Having to depend on others, having no creative outlet, and basically laying around, I have to tell you, it sucked!

And with that I fell into that depression. After a while I didn't feel like doing anything, just leave me alone on my couch with my "cookies for pain" and my TV.

I now understand how this can snowball into months and years if you let it.

I realized that this is how some people get stuck in a rut and then they can't get out of it, because this was definitely a rut for me. I wanted to forget all my problems, no work, bills piling up, no help, no man, and my ass getting bigger, all of these things weighed heavily on my mind as I laid there with nothing else to do but think.

Even if I could work out or had the motivation to, just moving this arm hurt and so that was out. So weeks went by and it got worse, I didn't even want to talk to people, just leave me alone in my sorrow and let me wallow in my pity. When I finally realized that I needed to reach out to someone for help, that I needed to try to pull myself out of this hole. I prayed a lot and started to meditate as well. I was thinking I need to pull out all the stops here.

I remember that I finally reached out to some friends for a day on the beach as this is my happy place and even if I couldn't do anything there, just sitting there would be better than sitting here.

When they took off the cast I started walking slowly just a mile a day but at least it was something. The more I exercised, the more I felt better. I started to plan dates with friends even though in my mind I just wanted to stay on the couch.

Many afternoons I would blow off walking because I couldn't get out of my own way, but every other morning I would make myself walk, to at least do something.

I realized that my exercise is the thing I needed and was so desperately missing during this. That any type of exercise gets your blood going and the endorphins moving in your brain and just makes you feel better. 

I went to the beach more, just slowly walking a little, the fresh air and breeze made me feel better. Then I finally went out with friends for dinner. I actually got dressed up and had a blast! I realized the more I pushed myself out of this hole the better I felt.

Imagine that? If you exercise, if you go out in nature, if you surround yourself with friends and family you can overcome your situation.

So today my friends, I'm here to tell you to reach out to your friends, your family, a Pastor or even to a hotline if you have none of these other things available. As hard as it may be, get your ass off the couch, take a walk, be one with nature.

Start to pray or meditate or both, do something you enjoy, whatever it is. What you are going through now will not last forever unless you let it, it's up to you and as I always say at the end of every blog….

Only you can be the change you want to be.

@TreadmillTreats 

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