It's a shame to still be bitter and angry.

Tgif Treadmill Treats

It's a shame to still be bitter and angry

Yesterday I went back to court with my ex, as we were leaving he turned and said some really mean and hateful things to me.This shouldn't come as surprise as he said things like that to me during our whole marriage.

But I am a different person now, in a different place, we haven't been together in four years, yes I get we were in court together but I was still taken back by the anger and hatred he still had towards me.

I stood there, shook my head and I smirked then I  said "Not going there" and I  turned and walked away.

It was at that moment I truly felt sorry for him, sorry you ask? Sorry why, he was horrible to you?

I felt sorry that he was such an anger, bitter, hateful  little man, that after all this time he was still so filled with bitterness that it consumed him.

I should be the one filled with hatred for all the years he called me names, put me down, broke my heart over and over again. I should be bitter that he's still living the same lifestyle and I got close to nothing when I left. I should be angry that I have to force him to pay for his own children, that he pays more for his car a month then for his kids.

But I gave that up, I walked away from the anger, the hatred, the unforgiviness because I had to for me. If I wanted to be happy and move on, I had to let it all go.

As I stood there all of the painful memories came flooding back and for a second I was back in that place of utter pain I lived in for so long but as quick as it came it was gone because I know that I am free now. I am in a place of peace and joy and I am sorry he is still stuck in his hateful little world.

Doesn't it count for anything that we were married for 24 years, that we have 2 beautiful daughters together, cant you get past the fact that it's over. We have just 2 years left until both of them will be in college, getting their own lives, cant you just let it go?

But for you, I realize it's all about the control, it's always been about the control. Well sorry that's your game, I walked away from that game a along time ago.

I walked out of the court house knowing I am free, I am happy and I have this incredible life I am leading and how grateful I am for it.

This is supposed to be how life is, happy and peaceful, full of laughter and joy not bitter, angry and hateful. I am sorry that he doesn't realize that and that his attitude might one day push his girls out of his life for good. I feel sorry for my girls that they don't have a father that's whole and content. That they have to be on the receiving end of his anger and control issues yet again or until they too say enough is enough. That will be a sad day as I want my girls to have a father in their lives, they need a father in their lives and it's sad that he doesn't see what his anger and hatred is doing towards them.

I came home and had dinner with my girls, we made our yearly vision boards together while listening to music and eating popcorn. We talked about our future, our goals and our dreams and we laughed until our sides hurt.
Later on we curled up in bed together to watch a movie and again I realized how truly blessed I am.
This is what life is truly about....love, joy and the peace you feel in your heart knowing your living in the moment....this is your moment, make the best of it.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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