Even when I can't see change, I believe

Even when I can't see change, I believe

People think just becuse you give your life over to Christ that magically everything will be perfect. Ha! That's the furthest from the truth, if anything your life will get harder.

Yes, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your life will not be perfect. The devil will throw stuff at you from all angles, he's trying to break you down, he's trying to make you give up, to lose faith, to stop believing.

Yes, I know I have wanted things, prayed for things for so long and so many of those things have not come to pass yet. Did you hear that? They didn't come to pass yet...
I know he is a big God, he can do anything and he is not a man that he shall lie so I know it is coming. It might not be on my time, it may not be how I want it wrapped up but it will be in my best interest and usually it is way bigger than I've dreamt of.

But my part is to keep having faith, to keep believing, to keep praising him even when I am not a good Christian, even when I screw up and believe me I do all the time. But he is a forgiving God, he has mercy on my human soul and keeps giving me more chances than I deserve, more chances than I would give another person, if we are being honest here.

My job is to hold on, to tell of his goodness, to hold on to that tiny mustard seed of hope if I have to, but to hold on and know he will take care of this...whatever this may be.

Yes, I have big dreams and believe me I know the verse faith without works is dead, and I am working this bad boy every day and yes, there are days I am tired. I can taste all I've asked for, I can see it, feel it, I know it's coming even if it feels like it's not, I have faith.

I think there must be more lessons I need to learn, more time for him to get things together on my behalf, there must be a lesson in the wait.

I am human, I cry, I ask when God? When? I want it now, I think I deserve it now, why isn't this coming? Yes, I even think look their not Christian yet they are being blessed and I do everything you ask of me and yet I am still here.
Okay, if your Christian and say you don't say that or feel that way sometimes, you are lying. We are all human and we all have our breaking points when we think we can't make it, we've been knocked down one too many times and while we are laying in our own self pity, we question God.

It is not for me to question, it is for me to just believe.
Maybe he's testing my faith,  maybe he has plans I don't know of or see. Maybe I need to just be patient.
I remember as clearly as if it was yesterday, laying in my bed in this horrible verbally abusive marriage thinking when God? When? I can't hold on, I dreamt of my own home, I dreamt of peace and joy even if I had none of it during this marriage. I had big dreams, dreams of my own home, of my business, of having a life filled with friends, a home filled with laughter and love. Every night I would close my eyes and picture this life right down to what my new home would look like. Even though I was in hell, I believed one day he would provide all of this to me.

And he did and more, much much more. All I did was believe it was possible.
So today my friends remember have faith, be grateful for each moment you are in now, no matter how painful it may be. Because one day soon you will look back and be grateful for how far you've come, for what he has done in your life and to know it was because you didn't give up, because even when you couldn't see change, you believed.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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