Chucking a friendship down the drain

Chucking a friendship down the drain

If you read my blogs you know that I always say that I am far from perfect.
I screw up, I fall on my face, I definitely pick the wrong men and I even say and do stupid shit sometimes.

I am human, I'm no different than anybody else, the only difference is that I have big enough balls to put all of my failures and all my screw-ups out there for the world to see and to judge me.

The one thing I know about myself, besides being really good at being a parent is, that I'm a really good friend.

I've had friends since I was 5 years old and I don't just have "Facebook" friends, I have friends I speak to every week. I have friends that will fly across the country for me and I for them. I have friends that I can count on and friends that know they can call me in the middle of the night and I would be there for them for whatever the reason.

Maybe growing up as a only child made me realize how important my friendships were because they were the family I chose for myself. But even though I am a great friend, I occasionally screw up.
I might say something that may upset somebody or do something that somebody doesn't agree with.

Look we all do that but the one thing I'm fast to do is to apologize for my screw-ups.
I never, ever would do or say something out of malice to my friends. I hold my friends and my friendships at the highest regard.
So recently when a friend of mine asked me to go to a party, I was more than happy to hang out with him. I got dressed, did my makeup and my hair and even went out and bought an ugly sweater for this ugly sweater Christmas party.

But before we left I had some leftover fish and obviously the fish wasn't that great as I ended up in the bathroom with a messed up stomach right before we were ready to leave. I called him up to explain how I suddenly got sick but he wasn't hearing any of it, he got really mad and yelled at me that he could have took somebody else to this party.

Hello! Like I knew I was going to get sick as I'm standing there all dressed with my hair and makeup done in this ugly sweater. Did I know I was going to get sick? Seriously, I get your upset but this isn't it something I could have predicted.

The next day I texted him to apologize yet again the reasons that I couldn't go with him. I then followed that up with a phone call and a message. A week later I called I left a message wishing him a merry Christmas and still no response. I then I even texted him to remind him of my open house for that day. Still no response so I finally texted him that he couldn't possible know me too well if he thought I blew him off.

Around the same time I was talking to my cousin on the phone and I happen to say something to her about something that happened the year before.
The next day I got a text message from her saying that was so uncalled for me to say that and how could I be so insensitive to her and her feelings.

I didn't even know what I said, until I kept reading, since she explained it in this text message, no less.
I wrote back to explain that's not what I was trying to say and it was misconstrued. I went on to say I would never say anything that, or would hurt her in any way, shape or form. She's a little sister to me, that I love dearly and this was just a misunderstanding, that was not what I was trying to say. I wrote her all this back in a text and I gave it a day to sit and then I called her but she didn't answer. So I left the same message on her voicemail, again apologizing for anything I may have done or said to make her upset. A week later on Christmas I called and then texted her to wish her a Merry Christmas and yet still no response a week later.

Here's my thing I forgive people all the time, hell,  I forgave my rapist.
I forgave my mother-in-law for treating me like shit while I was married to her son.
I forgave my ex husband for 24 years of verbal abuse.
I forgive everybody in my life even my friend that recently screwed me over and didn't talk to me for a year. Yet when he came by and asked for forgiveness, I gave him forgiveness. Why? Because I know people have forgiven me for stupid shit I've done, because God forgives so who am I to hold forgiveness back from others.

I know I screw up and so it's easy for me to forgive others for screwing up. But if your truly my friend you should know my heart, you should know I would never intentionally do or say something to hurt someone.

Yet here we are... chucking a friendship down the drain over a mistake, a comment, a misunderstanding, a miscommunication? Seriously?

I may have screwed up but I have apologized, on numerous occasions and I am done. I will not kiss someone's ass to be my friend, I have plenty of friends who obviously know my heart and who I am.

This new year is a new me, no longer will I let people walk all over me, children included. I am done, I have the biggest heart of anyone you will ever meet but there comes a point when your just done.

When your the only one picking up the phone week after week, when you go out of your way for people who obviously wouldn't do the same for you.
For you giving 100% and them giving 20%.
Doesn't matter if it's your friends, your family or the person in your life, if they are not stepping up then you need to step out.

If you can't forgive me, well I'm sorry for you. That you would throw away a amazing friendship or someone in your family over something small like this. I imagine no one will ever meet your standards of perfection. That no one in your life is ever going to screw up or if they do then their outta there.

I can't do that...I will forgive as I know I am not perfect but I will not chase after forgiveness either it's given willingly or not.

So today my friends who I did wrong to: I am publicly apologizing to you both. I am sorry for what I did and said, know there was no malice in it.
But if you can't forgive me well, then it's been a nice run. I wish you nothing but the best in your life.

For the rest of you, my readers I pray for the new year that you will have a heart of forgiveness as life is too short.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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treadmilltreats
#Theblessingindisguise
#TheblessinginDisguiserevealed
#livinglifelarge
#newyearnewme
#blogginglife
#writre
#blogger
#NewYorktimesbestseller
#womenoffaithtour
#Motivationalspeaker
#OnOprahSupersoulSunday
#TylerPerryproducingmylifestory
#thisismypassion
#livingmypurpose
#blogging
#Newyork
#Florida
#internationalblogger
#francescavillardi