The debate between selfish and selfless

The debate between selfish and selfless

Recently I was having a debate with someone about a video I felt strongly about. This video was about a woman who is telling a story about how she met this amazing man but how she was more than a decade older than him.

They had this incredible, amazing love affair and then one day she realized that this man wanted children. She had already had two grown children and was on different path in her life so as much as they tried, they knew that this wasn't going to be forever. They broke up and then came back together wrestling with this fact for 3 more years.
In the end she decided find someone for him and then walk away.

Now when you watch this video you could see the emotion in her, how much she is hurting, even still. You could see that she loved this man but she wanted him to have the experience of having children and so she selflessly walked away from this relationship.

Now I guess because I was in that same situation I understand how it feels to love somebody that much and to realize that you have different goals. I know how much this man I was dating wanted children and I also knew I too, was in the stage of my life where I was done with that. As much as it hurt me to walk away I knew I had to, as I knew what an amazing experience having children was and I wanted him to have that.

So I can relate to this video on all levels but his take on it was totally different, he said she was a fool because she is now going to be old and alone since she broke up with this "perfect man"
He said that she was selfish because the man that she was with really wanted a relationship with her and she threw it away without even consulting him on what he wanted.

I know from experience that it's not as cut-and-dry as that, trust me. When I tell you that even though she didn't say this on the video, I know they had many conversations about this. I can guarantee you if they loved each other that much there was many nights that they cried in each other's arms wishing the situation could be different. Both willing to sacrifice their dreams to be together and trying to figure out a way in an impossible situation.
I think she was selfless by giving this man something that obviously he wanted but could not see the effects  in the long run.
He fought me saying if she loved him enough they could have had in in-vitro, surrogacy or adoption.
Yes, they could have or they could have decided they wouldn't have children at all. But that wouldn't serve either one of them. They both knew what they wanted and what they didn't and doing either one wouldn't be true to one another. One day one they may have come to resent the other or maybe regret their decision.

He went on to say people have children all the time, what's the big deal. He is right they do and look at all the fucked up kids out there. Single mom's struggling, kids that aren't wanted. No, I explained that I wanted my girls, I planned them, I was all in back then. But at this point in my life I want my career, I want to travel, I earned it as my two girls are amazing, self sufficient adults now. I did my job and it's over so I get this women and where she is coming from.

I believe she did this from a selfless place, she knew the joy of children and she loved him enough, more than herself to walk away so he could have that.

I went on to say that that is true love, when you put someone's happiness in front of your own. Yes, I still care about this man, I worry about his well being, I pray for his happiness even as my own heart breaks but that is true love. That is an unconditional love, like a parent has for a child, that is pure and true.

As much as it hurt her and it hurt me, we knew this was the best thing to do, one of us had to be the stronger one and walk away for the well being of the other person.

He went on to adamantly tell me we were both selfish and crazy and maybe he is right, maybe when you love someone that much you lose your mind. Maybe he's never loved someone that much? Maybe this women and I are fools for letting go of a perfect relationship. Whatever he thinks, this is our path to take, right or wrong and we felt like we were doing the right thing.

Yes, he tells me all the time that I am Tinkerbell, living in a fairy tale world. That I don't live in the real world and maybe he's right, I believe sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong time and that's life. But I know in my heart of hearts that one day we will both be happy with who were supposed to be with.

So today my friends, my advice is follow your heart, to wherever that may lead...
I know that what I did was a selfless act, I chose to walk away so he could have his dream and I know that we will always be connected because we know we put each other's needs above our own.

Here's the link to the video let me know your opinion...
https://youtu.be/Zrw_xdNgMLE

Follow your heart always....
love, Tinkerbell

"Be the change you want to see"
 
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