Get over it already

Get over it already

If you follow me or know me, you know that I've been divorced for the past 5 years and was separated for two years before that.
You also know that I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years. It's taking me a long time to work on myself, to own my shit that I did in that marriage and to forgive him for what he did. It took a lot of work to be able to move on with the happy fulfilled life that I now live.

Look things happen, people do things and either you need to forgive them and move on or you will hold that inside and you will become bitter, angry and full  of pettiness.

I choose to let It go, I don't have time in my life for that kind of negative emotion. But some people cannot let go of that, one person in particular is my ex-husband. Last night was the start of Passover and my ex-mother-in-law, his mother, invited me and my girls over for dinner. I usually speak to her at least once a week and I try to get over there at least every other week to see her, to help her do laundry, clean up, get the mail, throw out the garbage or whatever she needs me to do.
Now I know a lot of people say to me why would you do that, you're not married to her son anymore? My answer is, she's always been a great grandmother to my girls and if that was my mother and she was alone and sick, I would hope somebody would help her so that's why I do what I do.

While I was over there last night with my daughter having dinner, my ex-husband called and everybody told me to be quiet because he didn't know I was here and he would get mad that I was here having dinner. We've been divorced for five years, separated for two years before that, he has a girlfriend he lives with for the last few years so why would he be upset that I would come and spend time with his mother or help her for that matter?

It's time to let these things go, seriously. It didn't work out between us okay, it's over, you moved on, I moved on, now let It go. I don't have time to hold onto grudges for 30 years like his mother has, I don't have that kind of energy and even if I did I wouldn't want to I would want to spend it on being petty, angry and bitter.

The funny part is that my ex brother in law was living with someone for 25 years, she cheated on him with his best friend and took off with all his money and yet he still talks to her, Wtf? All I wanted is to be free, to live a life where I didn't have to walk on eggshells, hoping I didn't say the slightest thing to piss him off. That I could live a life free of name calling and put downs and yet you hate me for that? Please get over it.
I don't hate you for all you did to me, so why are you so hateful towards me?
Let it go.

We will forever be connected through our beautiful girls, can't you just do it for them? To make it easier for them?
Do they have to spend the rest of their lives listening to you put me down as you had to listen to the same thing between your parents? Break your generational curse and let it go.

Like that famous Rodney King quote "Can't we all just get along?"

I truly wish you no harm, you should live your life just like I am living mine. But remember your words have effects, effects on your children, effects on their hearts and souls that will last a lifetime. Please let it go....

So today my friends,  if any of you are out there and are going through a divorce, please think about your children first. Think about how this will effect them, the bitterness, the anger, the name calling. No matter how old they are they still love you both and don't want to be put in that position. Put their feelings and their needs above your own pettiness and your anger.

You need to be the change they see...
You need to break that generational curse...
You need to be the bigger person....
You need to get over it already.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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