We are all desperately looking for a relationship

We are all desperately looking for a relationship 

I am real as hell in my blogs, since I've decided to leave my scam of a marriage, I have put it all out here. I write about everything, things that most people would rather die than speak of, I put it out here for the world to see. My hope is that you will see yourself in me, that you will not feel alone and so that you may learn from my mistakes.

One thing I write a lot about is dating, which by the way, is a frigging trip anymore. When I first got divorced I wanted to play the field, I had just gotten out of a 24 year verbally abusive marriage and I was not looking to jump back into another. Months after the divorce I got sucked in by Mr. Con Artist and that soured me for a year on dating all together. I took that time to work on myself, getting to know and like myself again. I worked on my relationship with my girls and my book. It was a year of revelations for me and it brought me closer to God as well.

Then I thought maybe it would be nice to meet someone but after another stunt with yet another controlling, self centered man I thought better of the idea. It wasn't until I fell madly in love with the wrong man that it opened my eyes to how bad I wanted a relationship. Yes, he wasn't the one but it opened up something in my heart. I realized that even after being hurt so bad and so many times, I still had the capability to love.

And I wanted a relationship, a real, two sided relationship. A relationship that I missed for 24 years. I craved it, I longed for it and I realized that I desperately wanted one.

I had always been in long term relationships all my life starting with my 6 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. I then was engaged for 3 years right to another man before I met and married my ex husband. In my desperation to find a relationship, I found men who weren't the ones but I thought well maybe…

Look, here is my advice if you want it, when you know they are not the ones, do me a favor and get out. Listen to me, you need to run, Forrest run! It's never going to be the one, no matter how much you wish it was. When you miss the warning signs, you will get sucked in and you will waste valuable time.

Here's the thing, news flash, I'm not as young as I used to be and I don't have time to be wasting on Mr. Wrong, Mr. Could be,or  Mr. Let's have fun, those days are over. 

I love that meme about dating "Are we going to do this or not, I got shit to do" Yup, that is me. 

If that sounds cold, I am sorry but I have no time to waste, life is too short. Look at my cousin. She found the love of her life when she was 60 and only got to spend 6 months with him before she died. God, how sucky is that? So many years she wasted on the wrong men to only find the right one and poof! It's done, game over.

I don't want to go before I get one more chance at happiness. I want a real relationship, with someone who loves me and I am crazy about. Someone not looking to control me but love me, flaws and all. 

I want this so bad it actually hurts my heart and soul and I pray and ask, will I ever find this? And yet I refuse to settle, even as bad as I want someone, I will not settle. 

I see people holding hands, laughing, being in love and I desperately want that. I want that king to call me his queen, I want someone who has my back and who I can depend on. I want to be someone's ride or die girl.

Maybe I want that so bad because I felt like I was in a prison for so many years, so many unhappy years that I spent being fake and miserable in a loveless marriage.

All I know is I cannot settle anymore, I must be real, I need to put out what I want first and of course ask God. Oh yeah, that I have to do first because trust and believe, he will give you the answers. My problem has been I didn't want to hear what he had to say so I didn't ask until it was too late but I learned now to ask him first. 

So today my friends, I know how you feel, how you desperately want a relationship, how time is passing you by and you keep wondering where he is? Where is she? Will I ever find my soulmate, my true love? I believe I will, I didn't endure all I have not to have the prize in the end. That and the fact I am Tinkerbell, I believe in happily ever after, prince charming and most of all, in love.

So don't give up, they are out there searching for you as well, they might just be a little lost, but believe me, they are coming.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

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