I didn't smell a rat

I didn't smell a rat....

I wanted to repost this as I think this might help some people out there. Maybe you too have been taken advantage, or maybe you are in a bad situation, trusting somebody that you thought you could trust and now you feel like a fool but I'm here to tell you that you're not a fool, you're just a trusting, caring person that happened to fall in love with somebody that was unscrupulous, someone that didn't care about you or your feelings or anyone's feelings for that matter. Someone who was obviously a rat, This has nothing to do with you and all to do with them and the lack of compassion they have for other people.

So this is why I wrote this, to let others know that they are not alone and that it's not your fault. 

See sometimes this gift of writing is like a curse, there are times I don't want to write about what has happened to me.

You see I am embarrassed that I allowed certain things to take place or that I held on for so long, or to talk about the things I have done in my past. But I know God gave me this gift to help others and I must put my own ego aside and tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth in order to help.

I have been through more than one person should have to endure in a lifetime but it has tested my faith to see if I could go on and still have a positive attitude.

It started when I was 15, my mom had gotten cancer, a month after my dad died. Then I was raped and as a virgin had to endure the heartache of having an abortion and I lost my two best friends before the age of 19. Because of all of this I ended up with a drug and alcohol problem for years as I did not know how to deal with the pain. 

I then met my ex husband who at first seemed to be Mr wonderful but quickly turned into Mr narcist, Mr controlling and the world's biggest verbal abuser. I stood and took his abuse for twenty four years because I was afraid, afraid to lose my girls, afraid I couldn't make it on my own.

The last five years had been horrible. I ended up having an emotional affair with my high school sweetheart who when push came to shove couldn't or wouldn't step up to be with me, which left me yet again broken.

When I finally got divorced I then fell for Mr. Unattainable, who pulled my chain for almost two years before I realized he was just perfect on paper.

Then I think I met Mr perfect, an old high school friend who I dated years ago and he tells me that he's always been in love with me. He tells me how all these years later he still wants to be with me.

He started to wine and dine me. He did thoughtful things like when he bought me a fire pit because I said I missed my fireplace. Or when he bought me a diamond butterfly because I have a tattoo with one for my mom on my foot. He listened to all I said, he bought me flowers, he asked why I didn't have a cross after recently being baptized, so he bought me one blessed by his priest.

He came to my church, he acted like he was interested in my religion. He wooed my kids, drove them places, made them breakfast, and bought them gifts.

He told me how all the other men in my life never stepped up and here he was stepping up because he truly loved me.

He talked about a future, marriage, a house, the merging of our two families.I was blown away, I felt like a queen, I was starving for attention after so many years of being deprived. I was blinded by his love, he seemed perfect and even though a lot of things didn't seem to add up, I somehow justified them.

I pushed them off, even when friends tried to tell me that he was always no good, that he hadn't changed, I didn't want to hear it. I was finally happy, and why weren't they happy for me?

But then he kept pushing to get engaged, to get married and I kept praying about it but the more I prayed the more I felt my peace in my life disappear, I was unsettled but didnt know why.

Pandora's box opened with the appearance of his ex, a comment on social media that he didn't stand up for me.  I felt something was off, he said they hadn't talked in 30 years yet he wouldn't let me see the texts, again a red flag for me. Until the night when he was sleeping and his phone went off. I had walked by and I happened to see the text, so I took his phone and even though I didn't know the code somehow his phone number from 30 years ago came into my head and it magically opened it and it was then that I started to read all the texts.

Well surprise to me, not only was he seeing his ex and telling her the same exact things he was saying to me but there were 3 other women that he was seeing and telling them the same things as well. 

They talked about stuff being stolen, money being owed and surprise, surprise my jewelry that he bought me, that he stole from someone else! I was shaking so much I could hardly hold the phone. I got my daughter in the car and took her to her dad's as I didn't want her there when this blew up. I came back and woke him up by throwing his phone and hitting him in the head with it. I then proceeded to throw his stuff in the street, all while saying more curse words then my ex husband said to me in 24 years!

Afterwards as I was taking off all the jewelry he had given me, I realized that he stole the diamond cross he gave me! Ha a cross! I had to laugh because he was going to need that more than me!

I am telling you this story because there is someone out there right now reading this that your friends have warned you about. There have been many red flags, something doesn't feel right, 2 plus 2 doesn't equal 4. Your intuition is screaming. Listen to it!! Run, cut your losses, get out now!

I know I will be okay. I have faith that will get me through, I have wonderful friends and family and I guess I need another chapter in my book. 

It is never your fault, you are never to blame, you were their victim, they preyed on your kindness, they mistook it for weakness but you are strong. You will get past this just like I did,it's not your fault you didn't smell a rat. 

@treadmilltreats 

Be the change you want to see"

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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