Ignoring the red flags

Ignoring the red flags

As this is Domestic Violence month I wanted to write about this subject. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. I remember years ago when I received a friend request from someone that I never knew but would change my outlook on people forever. 

This woman, as I came to find out, was a strong, beautiful, and intelligent woman who got caught in a web of lies.

She was yet another victim of a man who has no scruples and obviously no heart. 

I came to know her through a horrible mess I experienced years ago, right after my divorce. I can tell you that the lies one man can tell can hurt so many people and have such a ripple effect on others.

How "a man" does this and still be able to look at himself in the mirror each and every day is beyond me. How do you give a cross, something that has such symbolism to one person, and tell them you had it blessed by your priest? Then rip it off her neck in a fit of rage and wrap it up and present it to another with the same story?

Then, as you get caught in your lies, on your way out the door, you steal back your "gift" and give it back to the first person yet again, with an apology? Yes, you did not read this wrong. People, I can not make this shit up!

It is incomprehensibly, and I know that you are shaking your heads just as we were when this happened. Who does this kind of thing? 

He breaks multiple women's hearts and does not think twice about the pain he causes. You can't imagine that because no sane person would ever do something like this. 

It blows my mind how intelligent, self-supporting women can fall prey to a man like this. But I see it all the time at my speaking events. There does seem to be a pattern, like a woman who is just coming out of a horrible relationship. Someone with low self-esteem, who is wanting to be wooed, needing someone to say all the things that they longed to hear. 

Yes, these types of con men know your weak spots and play right into them. They make you think that they can't live without you and that the world revolves around you until your head is spinning and BAM!! They got you.

It is only then that you start to see the red flags, and even still, you choose to ignore them because at this point, you are so in love that you no longer can see straight. 

But yes, there are signs. There are nagging feelings you can get rid of. There are things that don't add up, but again, you choose to make excuses for them and for him.

At this point, one of two things happens. You either run through the red flags while they are slapping you in the face and pretend they are not there or you realize that all of these nagging signs are real and you dig deeper to find out the truth, knowing that staying in this relationship will only get worse.

I am not a better woman because I ran away at the first sign of this man's sickness. No,I was just at a different place in my life. I knew what I had just come out of, and I knew that I would never go back again.

I would never let a man treat me like less than again. 

I was determined to have learned my lesson the first time and not repeat the same mistakes twice.

I also had my girls, that I love more than life, to think of. They saw 24 years of a man treating me like crap, and what was I teaching them about allowing that? And now that I am out. What did I want to teach them from this?

So no, I was not a better woman. I was just in a better place to walk away.

You need to know your worth, and you need to take a stand and not allow someone to treat you less than. Even if that means you will be alone, it's okay.

So today, my friends, I am here to tell you that even though this rocked my world at that time, I am so blessed that this has happened to me. It gave me the courage to write a book about it. Through this experience, I have met the wonderful woman who he's also hurt, and I have become now more than ever, a loud voice for injustice.  

I will continue to speak out and help pull up women from their self depreciation. I will constantly tell them they are worthy and that they can do anything they set their minds to. I will not stop until we all hear, see, and feel the warning signs and are able to run away on our own.

Until then, I will be here to help you and even carry you if I have to, to be the best you can be.

"Be the change you want to see,"

@TreadmillTreats