Allowing self expression

Allowing self expression 

Recently I read that Alicia Keys son wanted to paint his nails but he was worried about getting picked on. She was upset about that because she feels that everybody should have freedom of expression, of who they are. I am a big believer in being who you are, being true to yourself.

There's nothing worse than having to live a lie as someone else or as someone, that someone wants you to be.

 I have always taught my girls to dance to the beat of their own drummer as I have all my life. Growing up in a small country town where everybody was redneck, I didn't fit in. My whole family lived in the city and I wanted to be that city girl so I would dress like I was one. Here I was with my Joan Collins hats with veils (okay, older than dirt reference)  with my matching pocketbooks and shoes, looking like I just stepped out of vogue magazine, walking into a redneck bar when everybody else was in flannel shirts and shit kicking boots.

But I didn't care, I always did me, like it or not talk about me or not, I didn't care.

When my girls were growing up I allowed them to get piercings, I allowed them to get their hair colored, all colors, pink and purple and green, whatever they wanted.

I allowed their choices in clothes, they got to pick who they wanted to be  and how they dressed. There were many other things I could fight about with my kids but self-expression was definitely not one of them. 

You need to let your kids have self expression, why is it that we want to be like everyone else? What fun is that? You need to be who God made you to be, unique, different, out there and there's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong with being who you truly are? Whether you're straight or gay or transgender or loud or flamboyant, it doesnt matter, this is what makes the world go around, this is what makes this place is so amazing, is that we all all are so different.

 So why is it that so many people want to put us in a cookie cutter box? What's the big deal if her son wanted to get his nails painted, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to "turn him gay" whatever the hell that stupid saying means. Many rock and roll stars nowadays are straight and they paint their nails because again, it's a freedom of expression. 

 Why is it that people are so fast to point and talk about people? Look we all just want to be who we are. 

 I always told my girls that yes, people may talk about you and yes, people may laugh at you or taunt you or be cruel to you but keep being you.

I also told them people talk shit even when they don't know you and don't know about you or who you truly are. I told him the story of how growing up, I had only guy friends because I was a tomboy and that I used to only hang out with the boys at school. Everybody in school called me a whore, even though I was a virgin, who was dating the same high school sweetheart for 6 years but if you talked to anybody and they would say that I was giving it up to all the boys that I hung out with.

That was farthest from the truth, in fact I saved my virginity until I was eighteen and it was with my high-school sweetheart. 

 That's why I told my girls don't listen to people because they're going to talk shit no matter what, so just do your own thing, just do you.

These are the lessons that I hoped I  taught my girls and hopefully they will pass along to their children, one day.

That is the problem with the world today, we are not accepting of people. Why can't we just accept people for who they are? Why can't we have compassion for people? Why can't we just let people be who they are, wonderfully made in God's eyes. Why must we judge them? Why must we be mean? Why was there so be so many haters out there? Look stay in your own lane, do your own thing, leave others alone and let them do theirs. Why is that so hard in today's society?

 I'll never forget when my best friend decided to come out, he told everybody before he told me and when he finally told me (which duh! I had known already for years without him saying it)

 I asked him why I was the last one to know? I was mad about that fact and he said because my opinion mattered the most. I looked him in his eyes and I said you're my best friend, you're the same person you were 10 minutes ago, the only thing that changed is who you like to sleep with and I couldn't care less. That's how we all should be.

 That is why if you look at my circle of friends it's like the United Nations. I have black friends, white friends, Spanish friends, Jewish friends, gay friends, straight friends... it doesn't matter because I see a person for who they truly are,in their souls. That's the only thing that should matter, so stop labeling people, stop putting people in boxes. I don't believe in that, I don't believe in boxes, I don't believe in labels, I believe in expressing yourself the way you want to. Express yourself with being who you are, with doing what you want to, with wearing what you want. You get one life, don't let somebody tell you how to live that life, do you, live large, be flamboyant, be loud, be crazy, this is what makes the world go around.

 I'll leave you with one last story when I was married for 24 years, my ex-husband wanted me to be a certain way but when he first met me he met the true me. The me that curses, the me that laughs loud, the me that talks everybody, that has a lot of guy friends. The me that is the life of the party, outgoing, positive and larger than life but then when he got me he wanted to change me into something that he wanted me to be. He wanted this perfect image of this perfect family so he no longer wanted me to laugh out loud or be loud or curse or dress a certain way,he wanted his perfect version of me which was nothing like who I truly was.

Because I was in love with him and I wanted to please him, so I started to change things about me and little by little I lost who I truly was. Everyday I was more and more miserable because I wasn't being who God made me to be. 

One weekend I went away with a bunch of high school friends and I got to be who I really was, because they knew me and they loved me for me and they didn't judge me. When the weekend was over and I was coming back home I had an anxiety attack and had to pull the car over because I couldn't breathe and I was crying so bad.

I didn't want to go back to this box that my ex-husband painted for me to live in. I didn't want to be that person anymore, I wanted to be the person I was on that beach that weekend, the real me. That's when I realized that I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't be who some who he wanted me to be. That is when I knew it was over and I had to leave because I was dying a slow death being what someone else wanted me to be.

 So today my friends, my message to you is be you, do you, dance to the beat of your own drummer, dance in the streets, sing out loud and off-key, be whoever you want to be and don't be ashamed of it.

If you have children teach them this lesson, let them paint their nails let them have crazy hair colors and piercings and dress the way they want to dress because they are developing who they are. Don't stifle them, don't put them in the box that you want them to be in because trust me you're going to make them miserable.

 I applaud Alicia Keys for allowing her son to dance to the beat of his own drummer and I really hope this opens up a dialogue between parents and children and everybody else out there to have compassionate for everybody,  because that's what this world needs right now, more of that.

Live and let life and be tolerant of others self expression.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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