Not everything goes the way you want it to

Not everything goes the way you want it to

There are sometimes in life when you think things should go a certain way. Maybe while growing up you dreamed of meeting your Prince charming, falling in love and living happily ever after but then meet someone who was really Prince charming's evil brother and you end up spending 24 years in a living hell. Sometimes you think you want this career and then after doing it day after day for 30 years you realize that is not your purpose or your passion and so you feel unfulfilled and you are looking for something more.

At one time or another we've all thought our life should be like this, that at a certain age we should be doing this or that

 Now that, that age has come and gone and you are standing there looking around going what happened? Where did all the time go? How come what I thought, isn't here? 

I know that for many of us, especially the ones in the second half of our lives, we look around and think this wasn't the way it was supposed to be, this wasn't the way I thought it was going to be and now what? 

It's a really deep question that we have to ask ourselves and we need to be honest about it. We all get to that point in our lives where we say is this all there is? What is my purpose? Why am I here? These deep questions that we cry out to God or to whoever your higher power is. These questions that keep us up in the middle of the night, when we're confused or scared or sad.

• If you read my book blog, you know that I am brutally honest about all parts of my life because after lying for so many years I choose not to lie about anything anymore. So yes, I'm one of these people that has woken up one day and said is this all there is to life? I realized that life was too short and I changed a lot of things in my life. I got divorced after 24 years in a verbally abusive marriage. I started my own business, I bought and renovated my own home. I reinvented my whole life but sometimes things don't always turn out the way you want them to and even with my own business, I still have to hustle to make ends meet. 

So if you know me you know I will do anything for the hustle and so I had to go back doing hair part time to bring in some extra money. I have been doing hair since I was 16. I had my own shop in New York and I loved it. It was amazing but after doing it for so many years I'm kind of over it but because it pays the bills I keep at it.

I know so many of us stay at a job we hate because of benefits, or the money and it sucks. After praying for so long to be able to do what my passion is, which is writing and speaking, God must have something planned for me because three and a half months ago a client with dementia grabbed my hand and hurt me really bad. But I am a tough bitch and I wore the brace and kept working like the doctors told me to do. Now all this time later it hurts more and I can hardly move it. I have to tell you even with all the change I've had in the last 6 years I am still scared of how I am going to make it. 

One thing I've learned is that if God closes one door, he will open another one. He has never let me down since that day I wanted to end it all and gave my life over to him and I know he will provide but as a human it is scary. As a single parent without anyone to depend on it's really scary.

But all the changes that kept me stuck in fear for so many years turned out to be miracles in my life and I don't doubt that this will turn out to be one as well.

I know change is scary, I know how it feels to question your very existence here but you need just need to trust in whatever you believe in. You need to push out the negative thoughts and voices who tell you that you're too old, it's too late, it will never happen. You need to be your own biggest cheerleader and step out of your box. You need to trust there is something better maybe it doesn't look exactly what you thought it would but hey, you never know it could look a whole lot better.

So today my friends, it's okay if your dreams of the past aren't working out for you, it's okay if your feeling that you don't know where you belong or what are you doing or asking if this is all there is out here? We all feel this way even if many won't admit it. I am here to raise my hand and tell you that you are not alone, and it's okay. I am here to hold your hand while we both take this leap of faith to find ourselves and our purpose.

 I am here to tell you it's okay if you don't know what your purpose is, because I only found mine 9 years ago and it's still a work in progress but the one thing I will tell you is you won't be stuck, you won't be wondering what if? You won't be saying I should have or I could have.  You will be captain of your own ship, you will be dancing to the beat of your own drummer and you just might find a dream that is bigger and better. So just hold on, close your eyes and jump screaming "Fuck! What a life!"

Because we only have this one and as I say at the end of every blog.....

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

https://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Disguise-Revealed-story-faith/dp/1074340493/ref=sr_1_19?keywords=the+blessing+in+disguise&qid=1561392004&s=books&sr=1-19

***Now available***

My 1st book The blessing in Disguise 

Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

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