My Disillusionment With The Church

My disillusionment with the church

So if you know me or follow me, you would know I gave my life over to God about 12 years ago. After hitting rock bottom for the second time in my life, I had no one or nowhere to turn, and so I turned to God. He led me to a wonderful church with an amazing pastor and church family. I was there every Wednesday and Sunday. I volunteer all the time, I loved my church. 

As the years went on and I was still hurt and so I only concentrated on my own recovery, not on the things that were going on around me. It was like sitting in the front of the class so as not to get distracted. I actually sat in the front of the church as well so I wouldn't be distracted, I needed this. 

As I started to heal, I noticed some things that were going on in church. The who's who on the totem pole. But again, this was about me and God. This was where he placed me, and this was where I was staying. I learned many lessons being here, many lessons that have changed my life. Lessons of his timing, not mine, of letting go and letting God. Lessons to pray and not worry because you can't do both. Lessons that he will take care of me if I listen. I needed these lessons like a dying man needed air. 

As I started healing more and more, I noticed people leaving my church, people that I've come to love. No one talked about why, and I always felt like God must have planted them elsewhere. But I too became disillusioned with the church, especially after I asked for help for a dear friend who was a member longer than myself and who had done everything the church had asked of her. This made me question their motives, this wasn't just the church but many members that I reached out to as well. Where was all this Christianity that they were shoving down our throats? Where was their compassion for their church “family” The more I looked, the less I found it, and the more disillusioned I became. 

So today, my friends, I have realized after a lot of praying and soul searching that it's not about the people at the church. It's not even about the church or the pastor. It's about your relationship with God. This place may not be for me anymore, but because of what they did or didn't do, it won't change my faith. I don't follow a pastor or a building, I follow God. As much as I love church, I love God more, and I have faith that he will put me where he wants me to go, as long as I listen. I am not disillusioned in him, but I am disillusioned in church.

“Be the change you want to see”

@TreadmillTreats

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