Why I do what I do

Why I do what I do

You can never understand why I feel like I do when I talk about my God unless you've walked in my shoes.

You will never know what it feels like to lose everything, to lose so many loved ones at such a young age. To feel like your all alone and your only friend is your drugs. You have no idea unless it was you, laying in your own vomit on your drug dealers floor after a eight day coke binge. You have no idea what it's like not to care about life anymore unless you've been there.

You have no idea what it's like to be in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years. Where you were talked to every day like you were a piece of shit, to be called every name in the book, stupid, lazy, a bitch, worthless...
When you cry yourself to sleep and then you cry when you wake up because you have to face yet another day in hell, which is what you call your life, that you hate.

When you have to put on a fake face to show the world day after day. Where you have to hear everyone tell you what a happy family you have and how lucky you are. When truly you are all a dysfunctional mess and it is all a facade because the world only sees what you want them to see.

When you curse a God you no longer believe in because how could he let all of this happen to one person. Where is his love? Where is his mercy?

You have no idea unless you want to end it all because you yet again hit rock bottom but for some reason God won't let you go home.

See we all look at people and we see what they want us to see. We have no idea what they have been through or what they are going through now. Most people are good actors. Hell, look at Robin Williams, we all thought he had the perfect life, that he was happy as he was always making others laugh but on the inside he was dying and no one knew it.

We all do that, we are taught, don't be weak, don't cry, don't tell anyone your business (My mom's favorite, sorry mom but look at me now)
We are taught to suck it up. I remember after my rape and abortion at 15 my mom said "Forget it ever happened, we shall never talk of this again"
As if never talking about it would make it go away. For me, that drove me into a life of drugs to try to forget the pain.

See I know where I've been, I know how bad my life was and I know when I cried out, when I had no one and no where else to turn, God was there for me. Taking away my addictions, taking over my life and giving me peace, giving me strength and filling my life with joy.

I know it is only through him I am still alive, that I got past all that happened and continues to happen in my life.

So today my friends, this is why I do what I do. It is to give him the glory, the honor and the praise because trust and believe I couldn't have done this on my own. So I have to give him the credit, I have to give back to others, to my church, to share my testimony so that I may honor him.
It is only when you give it all to him, when you give up your own ways, when you can't do it anymore and you surrender it all to him. It's only when he makes miracles happen in your life, things that have no explanations, when he fills you with peace in the mist of the storms that you will know why I do what I do.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Coming soon my latest book:
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treadmilltreats
#Theblessingindisguise
#TheblessinginDisguiserevealed
#livinglifelarge
#newyearnewme
#blogginglife
#writre
#blogger
#NewYorktimesbestseller
#womenoffaithtour
#Motivationalspeaker
#OnOprahSupersoulSunday
#TylerPerryproducingmylifestory
#thisismypassion
#livingmypurpose
#blogging
#Newyork
#Florida
#internationalblogger
#francescavillardi