Why lie?

Why lie?

I remember a time when I was talking to my daughter and she told me some things her father had said about our court case. I had to laugh at the fact that he was lying while he was saying, I was lying. 

Here's the thing, I freely admit that I was an expert liar while I was married to him. Shocking isn't it? The fact that I would openly admit that fact huh? Yes, we all hate to admit our flaws, most of us would rather die than admit we're not perfect.

But I am sorry, I have to tell the truth here and the truth is I am so not perfect!  I tell it all in this blog, the good, the bad and the really ugly. And being not perfect, means that I have done some really crappie things, including lying.

I lied about being happy in my marriage.

(I was miserable)

I lied about us being the "perfect" family.

(We were falling apart and a dysfunctional mess)

I lied about seeing my friends.

(Because he hated all my friends and that was the only way I could see them)

I lied about wanting to make the marriage work. 

(All I really wanted was to get out but I was too afraid to leave)

Yes, I lied about everything and hated myself for it! The day I decided to leave the marriage was the day I vowed I would never lie again.

I was free and freedom to me meant never having to lie to try to please someone else. It meant that I could finally be myself again, warts and all. It meant that I would know my self worth and know that I cannot be everything to everyone. That you cannot make someone happy, that they must do that on their own.

I write this blog every day,

5 days a week, four weeks a month, 12 months a year for the last 7 years. There is nothing I have not put out there. I've been honest and told you my great moments, like finally being free of my abusive  marriage. I've told you my worst moments like when I was lied to and cheated on by Mr. Con Artist. I poured my heart out, I shared my heartbreaks and disappointments. I wasn't afraid when I told you time and time again the moments that I fell on my face.

I have shared my highs and lows, I opened myself up to the world and to criticism from strangers.There is nothing I won't share to try to help someone out there reading my blog and because of that there is no reason for me to lie.

So when I remember hearing this from my daughter, I thought, well at least I am growing. I am owning what I did and who I was back then. Yes, I was a liar but I am a different person now and if you can't see that, if you can't see how much work I put into changing into this person that I am today...well that's your problem.

If you think a leopard can't change his spots and that no one is capable of change, well I am sorry to tell you, that's on you.

There are many of us out there that have changed our whole lives, changed from being addicts, change our relationship patterns, gave up toxic people or habits. People who turned their whole lives around because they were sick and tired of being sick and tired. So I know it is possible to change.

 My advice to those people out there that think it is impossible to change is that maybe you need to take a long hard look in the mirror. Maybe your incapable of change...maybe it's just you that will never grow or change...maybe just maybe, it's you and not the rest of us.

So today my friends, I tell you to own what you did. Stand tall in the mistakes you've made, because through all the failures and all the heartbreaks, it has made you the person you are today.

As I always say in the end of every blog "Be the change you want to see"

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

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