Get over it already
Get over it already
If you follow me or know me, you know that I've been divorced for the past 9 years and was separated for two years before that. You also know that I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years. It's taking me a long time to work on myself, to own my shit that I did in that marriage, and to forgive him for what he did. It took a lot of work to be able to move on with the happy, fulfilled life that I now live. Look things happen, people do things, and sometimes you get hurt and either you need to forgive them and move on or you will hold that inside and you will become bitter, angry, and full of pettiness. I choose to let it go, I don't have time in my life for that kind of negative emotion. But we all know that some people cannot let go of that, one person, in particular, is my ex-husband.
My girls are always telling me how when my name is mentioned how he gets, they cannot even talk about me without him getting mad. He doesn't even want me to talk to his family even though I was part of it for 24 years. Now during the whole pandemic, I have been making sure that my ex-mother-in-law is alright. I usually speak to her at least once a week and I try to get over there at least every few weeks to see her, to help her do laundry, clean up, get the mail, throw out the garbage, or do whatever she needs me to do.
I know a lot of people have said to me why would I do that, you're not married to her son anymore? My answer is that she's always been a great, grandmother to my girls and always has been kind to me. And besides that, if that was my mother and she was alone and sick, I would hope somebody would help her, so that's why I do what I do.
While I was over there last week helping her out, my ex-husband called and she told me to be quiet because he didn't know I was there and he would get mad that I was there helping her out. We've been divorced for nine years, separated for two years before that, and he has a girlfriend he lives with for the last few years so why would he be upset that I would come and spend time with his mother or help her for that matter?
It's time to let these things go, seriously. It didn't work out between us, okay, it's over, you moved on, I moved on, and now let It go. I don't have time to hold onto grudges for 30 years like so many people have. I don't have that kind of energy and even if I did I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to spend it on being petty, angry, and bitter.
Here's the funny part, my ex-brother-in-law was living with someone for 25 years, she cheated on him with his best friend and took off with all his money and his best friend yet he still talks to her, Wtf? All I wanted is to be free, to live a life where I didn't have to walk on eggshells, hoping I didn't say the slightest thing to piss him off. That I could live a life free of name-calling and put-downs and yet you continue to hate me for that? Please get over it. Look I don't hate you for all you did to me, so why are you so hateful toward me? Just let it go already.
We will forever be connected through our beautiful girls, can't you just do it for them? To make it easier for them? Do they have to spend the rest of their lives listening to you put me down as you had to listen to the same thing between your parents? Break your generational curse and let it go. Like that famous Rodney King quote "Can't we all just get along?" I truly wish you no harm, you should live your life just like I am living mine. I am in a wonderful place in my life, I have learned to forgive, and I no longer hate or have anger towards anyone. I choose to be in a state of peace and joy and I will not let anyone take that away from me. Now I am just worried about my girls and the effect your words have on them, your words affect your children, it affects their hearts and their souls and they will last them a lifetime. Please let it go...
So today my friends, if any of you are out there and are going through a divorce, or are divorced and are going through this, please think about your children first. Think about how this will affect them, the bitterness, the anger, the name calling, all of this changes who they are. No matter how old they are they still love you both and don't want to be put in that position to have to pick or to have to hear the other person being put down. Please try to put their feelings and their needs above your own pettiness and your anger.
You need to be the change they see...
You need to break that generational curse...
You need to be the bigger person...
You need to get over it already.
"Be the change you want to see"
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"
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