The Coronavirus and Domestic Violence
The coronavirus and Domestic violence
As we are going into our 2 week of lockdown and some people that may be out of work for longer than that, I am truly worried about those who are in an abusive relationship.
It is bad enough to be in these relationships when times are good but any undo stress can set your abuser off. And times like these with no money coming in, stuck in tight quarters, are breeding grounds for things to go from bad to worst.
I know for me and many other women our saving grace was when either we went to work or our partners left for work. We knew that for the next eight hours we could breathe. We didn't have to walk on eggshells, we didn't have to worry about if we were doing something right or not, those eight hours were time to let go and be ourselves.
My heart goes out to these women and the children that are now stuck for 24 hours a day with a ticking time bomb. Waiting for them to explode about this small thing or that. Having to endure their vicious tongue telling them they are useless or stupid all day long now.
Yes, times like these will make the abusers even more violent, even more mean to their victims. This leaves the victims nowhere to turn, no time alone to have a break from their abusive behavior. I fear for the mental health of these people, who may think they have no other choice to take their own lives, or who's very life may be in danger during these times.
We need to reach out to our friends and family even if you only suspect that this may be going on, offer to take them in, offer financial assistance if you can so they can get away to family or friends. At the very least give them the numbers of a pastor or the Domestic violence hotline so they can talk to someone.
If this is you, get a plan in place, get your Important documents and a bag ready with a few cherished things, your jewelry and any cash you may have on hand and keep it ready in case you have to run for your life. Write down peoples numbers you made need in case he takes or breaks your phone, better yet have a burner, self paid phone in there as well. If you are too afraid for him to find it, hide it in your car where your spare tire goes or leave it at a friends house. But you must be prepared especially during this time. Stress will bring the worst out of anyone but it can turn an abuser crazy, so you need to be prepared.
Take this time to start getting ready for your escape, knowing this is not going to get better but will only get worse as time goes on. Start to do things to keep your mind safe. For me it was yoga and meditation that grounded me. Music that made me feel powerful helped as well as visualization of the life I wanted.
I would visualize my new life, right down to what I wanted my new home to look and feel like. Anytime things got bad I would let my mind go to that place that I knew one day was going to be mine. A safe place filled with laughter, love and peace and that would calm me down. Read books that will inspire you and give you strength and hope. Exercise so that at least you will feel like you have some control over your life while you are stuck there.
But most importantly, really think about your situation and why you have allowed this to go on for so long, take this time to evaluate what needs to be changed and how you will come out of this stronger and tougher because this will be the worst of times for you and you will never want to go through something like this again.
I am living proof that you can do this, and I can show you many women who I speak with on the subject of domestic violence who were in way worse relationships then I was, who are now free. Women who left it all behind, who left with nothing but the clothes on their backs and they will all tell you the same thing. I wish I would have done this sooner, there is nothing like the freedom you feel when you are truly free. You can do this, you are strong, beautiful, and self sufficient no matter what he is trying to get you to believe.
Do this for your children, let them have a childhood without the pain and drama, show them what a strong, independent woman looks like, you got this….you got this.
So today my friends remember you can reach out to loved ones, trust me they already know something is going on. Reach out to a pastor, a clergyman or a Domestic violence advocate who can help you start your life over, trust me it will be the best decision of your life. But only you can change your situation, and as I say at the end of every blog…
"Be the change you want to see"
Here is the number to the National Domestic violence hotline
Our advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in more than 200 languages. All calls are free and confidential
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"
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