I am without words

I am without words

I am without words and for me that is something. I see my world burning, I see hatred. I see looting, and destruction happening all over our country.

My girls are afraid, they ask if this is the end of the world? I cannot answer them… I have no words.

Everyone is losing their minds, social media is fueling the flames…people are picking sides, families are being torn apart. Who's right, who's wrong?

It no longer matters as we are all losing here.

I am trying to wrap my head around what has happened in the last few months and it is still a mystery to me. Between the virus, being on lockdown and barely getting by, to the senseless killings of so many black people and now the burning of almost every city in America, it is too much to handle.

I needed to ground myself, I needed to be in nature, with my toes in the sand, waves lapping at my ankles and the wind in my hair. I needed to be one with God and he's glorious creations,  so I know that I will be okay… That no matter what is going on, to know he's got me. To know that he is there to tell me it will be alright. Nothing grounds me like nature and especially today, I needed that grounding.

As I was there I couldn't help but think that I can't imagine not having my faith and wonder how others can get through a normal day yet alone a pandemic, a world that has lost its mind… I know I wouldn't be able to do it without him.

He is the one that gives me hope, to be able to love the haters and pray for them. He gives me the courage to voice my opinions that we all bleed red, and that we are all his children. He keeps me going when it seems to be too much for me as I know he wants me to teach my girls and the people who follow me, hope and that we must hold on and believe it will get better.

When the storms are coming at me hard and fast, when I feel like I am drowning and life is too much, too hard, too painful to want to go on, I drop my head.

I drop my head and I pray. I hand it over to God because I can no longer handle it, I cannot do it.

Today was one of those days, when my heart was breaking and I had no answers, no words to make everything okay. I only had a prayer on my lips, and gratitude in my heart for having a mighty God to help me get through this.

I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know if tomorrow it will be better or we will end up killing each other, all I know is I can't do this without him, without his word. I know that without my girls, without my church and my church family, I would be lost. I cannot do any of this without handing it all over, without depending on others who fortify me with his word and pray for me and with me. Without this crazy faith, the faith that my Bishop taught me to have. 

I have no words, I only have faith and for now that is all I need during this crazy time. 

So today my friends, my prayer for you is that you find something to hold on to. Whether it be God or whatever you believe in, something that will help you get through these hard times, something that will comfort you in the storms. Because we all need something bigger to believe in, to hold on to, to help us once again, find our words.

May you and yours stay safe in the days to come.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

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