Why do we wait to speak out

Why do we wait to speak out 

So recently, a bunch of women have spoken out about P Diddy and what he did to them. And of course here come the haters screaming, it's not true because why would they have waited so long to come forward. 

If you have never been a victim of abuse, then in my opinion, you don't get to speak on why a woman would wait. You have no idea what that woman has been through. 

So, for those of you out there who know nothing about the pain, let me inform you on the reasons a woman may have waited to come out and speak of her abuse. And yes, I speak from being a rape survivor and not speaking out for years.

1 She is too traumatized.

She can't believe what has happened. She is still processing it, still trying to wrap her head about this deeply violating thing that has happened to her.

2. She may somehow think it may be her fault.

Maybe she knew her attacker. Maybe she thinks it was something she wore or something she did.

Maybe, like in my case, I took a ride with him and smoked a joint with him. For years, I thought it had to be my fault.

3 Maybe this person is in a position of power, and they think no one would believe them or listen.

4 Maybe they need time to decide if they need some help and to seek out a professional who can help them sort it through. 

5 Maybe it was so traumatic that they don't want to think about it, let alone speak of it.

No matter what the reason is on why a woman who is victimized decides on when she should speak out is her reason and her reason only! 

This attitude of victim blaming must stop. It's like being assaulted and then being reassaulted again. You are not the judge or jury. You have no idea what this person went through or how this person is feeling, yet so many people are out here pointing the finger at the victim.

It took me almost 6 years to speak of my rape. I went to therapy for 3 years after that, and I still couldn't tell anyone what happened to me. Before I spoke out about what had happened to the world, it was almost 20 years. For years, I blamed myself, I knew him, I took a ride with him, and I smoked a joint with him. Then I felt that no one would believe me. He was well liked. I had a reputation of hanging out with a lot of guy friends even though I was a virgin when this happened. All these things kept me from speaking my truth. But we must speak our truth no matter how long it's been.

The point is it doesn't matter what you were wearing, if you knew them, or even if you were drunk or smoked. If a woman says no and you continue, then it is rape!! No, it is no! It's not that I can get her to change her mind. It's not that she's drunk. No, it is no, period! End of story.

So today, my friends have some compassion before you point fingers at the victim. Go and speak to survivors, listen to their stories before you so quickly judge them. We all have our reasons we don't speak up right away, but they don't matter. All that matters is that the men who did this and keep doing this are brought to justice. Whether it's a week or 20 years, justice needs to be served. 

And we need to speak our truth.

“Be the change you want to see” 

@TreadmillTreats