I am done walking on eggshells for anyone
I am done walking on eggshells for anyone
I am done walking on eggshells for people in my life. I have been a people pleaser all my life and I am done. I am too old for this shit and if I refuse to do this in my love life, I am sure as hell not going to put up with it with friends. See my disease "The need to please" started off with my grandmother, who when I was a little child would be mad at me for something stupid I did and would not speak to me for days. I would run around and cry, I would apologize and write her letters, and bring her flowers yet she wouldn't speak to me. Keep in mind I was like 5 or 6 and we lived in the same house but yet she would ignore me for days.
This pattern of people-pleasing ran over into my best friend as well. I did whatever she wanted, anything to please her even going as far as standing in line all day for tickets to one of my favorite performer's concerts. When we got there, about 20 minutes into the concert she decided we were leaving. What? We waited 8 hours and the concert just started. Are you joking? But she wasn't and yes, I left to please her. I then carried this disease into my marriage. I was a pleaser for 24 years, doing anything and everything to make him happy even by sacrificing my own happiness in the process. I have learned a lot since then, one of the first things was that this was a pattern that I carried with me all my life. I never connected the dots until I wrote my book and literally saw this pattern throughout my life and how and where it started.
Since then I've learned that you can't make other people happy, because they will never be happy with themselves and I refuse to walk around on eggshells trying to please other people. What I've learned is that people who aren't happy with themselves will never be happy with anything that you do for them, no matter what it is. Even if you do it perfectly, even if it is exactly the way they want you to do it, they will still find fault in you.
This is a "them" problem, not a you problem. Stop trying to bang your head against the wall, because the wall will not move. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same things expecting different results. This a perfect example of my life and what I would try to do for years. I just kept changing the players but the disease never changed.
What I've learned is that you need to just move on. Acknowledge the fact that they may have an illness like my grandmother, or that they will never change, like my ex, and then move on. I stopped being friends with my best friend at 40 and yes, it took me that long. It was when we were booking a cruise and I invited another friend of ours to join us because there were 12 other women going on this cruise.
Well, my best friend told me to call her up and tell her she was uninvited, keep in mind we were all friends. It was at that moment I decided I'm done pleasing this person. I called her back and she asked me if I did it and I said no. She said "Well then, I'm not going on the cruise" and I said "Well then, we will miss you"
And I haven't talked to her since. Bye, Felicia!
Years later I finally woke up to my ex-husband's verbal abusive and said "I'm done, I'm done trying to please you, I'm done trying to be this perfect person that you want me to be, I'm out" Since that day my life has been great, it has been filled with peace and joy but every once in a while you stumble and fall back into people like that but I have to tell you that I'm done doing this dance. I'm too old at this stage in my life, I'm not going to chase anybody or try to please anyone in order for them to be in my life.
I have many friends, I don't need to do this, I am not somebody's fixer. I am not going to worry about what I said or did or did something wrong or how I can fix this, every single time I open my mouth. At this point I don't really give a shit, you should know what kind of friend I am and you know what kind of heart I have, and if I did something that pissed you off you should step up and speak out about it. You need to be a grown-ass person and tell me that I'm wrong because I'm here to tell you I always raise my hand and say when I'm wrong and say I'm sorry if I did something to someone. What I won't do is worry about everything that comes out of my mouth, worry that it's going to hurt somebody else's feelings. Maybe people need to grow up, and maybe you need to work on yourself because if everything, everyone says to you upsets you, then the problem may be you.
So today my friends, I am sorry if this offends anyone but this is who I am, I am unapologetic for learning to not be a people pleaser. I will not apologize for not walking on eggshells anymore. If you are truly my friend, you know I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you but I am human and I do screw up. Speak up, let me know but know I will no longer walk on eggshells for anyone.
"Be the change you want to see"
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"
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The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed
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