Learning your worth

Learning your worth

If you read my blogs you know that I have changed my whole life, I now have an amazing life. I own my own business, my own home, I have 2 wonderful girls who are both in college. I have a amazing church and church family, I am blessed with many friends and family. It seems as if I have it all...but I've been unlucky in love.

Maybe not so much unlucky but I have definitely picked the wrong men over and over again. After this last relationship I vowed that I refused to pick another loser, another controlling, narcissistic, self centered, fucked up, commitment phobia man. Every time I said I pick losers, I stopped and said I use to pick losers, I changed my way of thinking so much so that I didn't even want to put it out there in the universe.

Now you know if you read my blogs that I don't sugar coat shit, I will always be real about my feelings, so when I tell you this has not been easy. My friends can tell you the broken record I have been about saying
"I am done with him, this is the last time he will treat me like this" Hell they probably mouth my words back to me on the other end of the phone, they heard it so much.

Yet, I realize with the help of many friends saying "Don't you know your self worth? You are an amazing women with so much to give, why do you put up with crappie men?"
That yes, I do this and I also realize that it has to do with my self esteem or lack there of.

As much as I've grown and changed this is the hardest part of my change. This is were I stumbled again and again. Letting this smuck or that loser treat me less than, use me and make me cry. I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason, maybe I am slow, okay...I am slow and need this lesson over and over until I get it right.

Recently I met someone, he's kind and sweet, he's a gentleman, he opens doors, texts me good morning, how's your day, I'm thinking of you and good night texts.

He wants to spend time with me, even changing his schedule to do so. He asked to take me to the airport just so he could say goodbye to me (And same time last year, the man I was seeing said when I texted him I had no ride home and I quote "That sucks")
He was there to pick me up because he said he missed me and couldn't wait to see me. He does and says the nicest things, yet I am questioning all of it. Thinking he's too good to be true, when is the other shoe going to drop? I say "Why are you so nice? Or where did you come from?"

I cry when he tells me nice things and his response is "All guys are like this, this is normal" Maybe in my Tinker bell world all guys are like this but in the real world guys are putz's, with their own agenda, who send unwanted dick pics to you.

Hello! What world are you living in? Sure as hell not mine! No, every nice thing I question, I am scared, I'm not use to a man treating me good. Just saying that out loud makes my heart break, how sad is that?

I know I'm a good women, I know I have alot to bring to the table and when I meet a man who is willing to bring more to the table than just his dick, I questioned his every motive.
I don't want to be like so many other women out there that say all men suck. I know there are good men out there, I have plenty of friends who are great men, my dad's were great men, my family friend was a great man, so I know they are out there.
Yet when I meet one, I question him, I tell him I can't believe all the nice things he does and says.

I know this is my issue I must get pass, I am learning through him that I deserve to be treated like the queen I am (his words) that the other men were idiots to have let me go or treat me less than I deserve (again his words)

Slowly I am looking back at what I put up with and thinking what the hell? Why? They were so not worthy of me and all I had to give. Slowly I am learning that I deserve a great man, that treats me good, that does the right thing without me having to tell him what it is over and over again. A man who doesn't have to be told anything, but already knows how to be a real man.

I don't have a crystal ball to see whether or not this will last a week, a month or a lifetime, but I do know that right now, this is the lesson I need to learn. This is the man God put in my life to teach me my self worth, to let me know I am worthy and I should never take less than. I am going along with the flow, I am learning to trust his words but more so his actions towards me.

So today my friends, remember you need to learn your self worth, you need lessons maybe many like me, to be able to see ypur pattern and then to break it. You need to change your mindset, stop putting it out there, stop excepting less, stop letting no good men in, when there is a king out there waiting to treat you like the queen you are. So come with me on this journey, let's change our ways, because it's all about learning your worth.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise.... revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
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