The nerve of some people, my rapist reached out to me

The nerve of some people, my rapist reached out to me

I sometimes shake my head at the nerve of some people. I can't believe that they would reach out to you after they have done some terrible things to you like it was nothing. I get social media makes us feel safe because we can say and do things behind the safety of our screens. But seriously you have to really be deranged if you think you can reach out to someone like nothing had happened and think it would be okay.

So about a year ago, I get a message on Facebook messenger from someone who I went out on 2 dates with back in high school. He asked me out again but when he proceeded to tell me he was going swimming across the street in a bungalow colony and mind you this was march and it was 10 below zero but he was insisting it was July, I decided no thanks. Fast forward months later I started getting phone calls from a man who keep saying he knew where I lived, he knew who I walked to school with. That he was going to slice my throat and watch the blood pour out.

I was scared to death, these calls went on for months, with him knowing my every move and telling me he would cut my body up into little pieces so that no one would find me. It was terrifying and I never went anywhere alone. After 4 months of living hell we finally figured out who it was, it was the creep I went on two dates with months ago. Well, my city friends came up and beat him to a pulp and that was that. Now years later he decides to reach out to me with a

"I don't know if you remember me"....really asshole...I remember you and how could I forget you, you made my life a living hell for months.

Did he apologize? Did he say I'm sorry...No, he did nothing of the sort just a hey...do you remember me like nothing happened and I should be like "Yes, let's be Facebook friends" NOT!! Seriously, I wanted to tell him that and would have but I realized that he lives in my state, way too close to me since it seemed like he has never gotten the help he needed, so I never answered.

Now last night I get a Facebook messenger message from the man who raped me, yes... you read that right, I couldn't believe it either. He says "I don't know if it's okay with you I just wanted to say hi"

Really?? Are you frigging kidding me? Did you reread that before you sent it? Did you think enough time went by that I would forget? You felt Facebook is a safe place behind your screen? What? Please tell me why would it be okay??

If there was some kind of apology that went along with that maybe...but there wasn't and I gave up on one years ago. So tell me then,  why reach out to me? What because we had the same friends in school? Because now you're on Facebook, this fake world of fake people so now you fit in?

Because you never admitted your wrongdoing, because you blamed me because you knew I was dating your friend but yet you did it anyways. Because you knew I was a virgin saving myself for my high school sweetheart and you knew I was too scared to tell.... what was your reason? How about you tell me that, how about you own what you did, how about you say you are sorry for making me have to go through an abortion at 16 and ruining my life. How about that you knew my dad just died and my mom just had breast cancer... how about that this caused me years of pain and addiction trying to erase this from my mind....did any of this go through your mind when you reached out to "Say hi"

No, obviously none of it did, I don't know what you wanted or why you reached out and really I couldn't care less, see I forgave you years ago, no... don't get it twisted, I didn't forgive you of your horrible behavior, I forgave you so I could stop hating you and move on. This is on you, it's between you and God now, you must live with what you have done, or maybe not as it seems but it's not for me to hold on to anymore.

All I know is that you have got some nerve...unless your apologizing, unless you are owning your shit, no it's not okay to say hello to me, I have nothing to say to you. I write this blog every day for the last 7 years, I own all my shit, all my fuck ups, I own my life and my advice to you is to do the same.
Don't come at someone you did wrong to, without owning your shit and coming with an apology.
Be a man, grow the fuck up, own your shit then ask for forgiveness, see that is what real men do.

So today my friends my advice is to know that either way with or without you apologizing I will be okay, I am good. It taught me if I can forgive you, the man who raped me, I can forgive anyone, that no one can ever hold that power over me, that as bad as I am hurt, I can let it go and move on. That I can let go of the anger and hatred in my heart and live my best life, knowing that I don't need to hold on to it, that one-day karma will take care of it all. But I am still here shaking my head thinking about the nerve of some people.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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