The scars others leave behind

The scars others leave behind

Yesterday I wrote about my rapist reaching out to me and how I thought he had some nerve to want to say "Hi" to me, like nothing happened.

I have to tell you it knocked me off base, it had been years since I thought of him before this last trip home when I told an old friend the story. Now occasionally I  will write about my rape so that others will see my journey and how far I've come by forgiving him. But all of that didn't come with emotion, it was something that happened in my past, that I tell the story but basically I had let it go.

But him actually reaching out to me hit a nerve just as sure as I went to the dentist. Oh yeah, this one got to me, like how dare you reach out to me like nothing happened. It got emotions stirred up that I hadn't felt in years, things I thought I was past.

When you are abused, it leaves scars, deep scares and it doesn't matter what type of abuisve. If your parents were alcoholics, if you were sexual abused or rape or what ever other trauma you may have went through, you still have scars, believe me.

I thought I was good, I went to therapy, I talked about it, hell I even ran a rape counseling center...I was good.
See no one ever thinks they will ever face their abusers, some people wish they could confront their abusers and tell them what they did or how it effected their lives. But most of the time your not going to get what you want out of it, they are not going to tell you they are sorry. Most likely they will somehow shift the blame to you or away from themselves and it will leave you feeling worst then before.

I already know he's not here to apologize, I confronted him years ago, years after it happened and his take on it was that it was consentual, that I wanted it. A abuser always tries to blame the victim because really, who can admit they did something so heinous.
So I don't think his view changed much since then and really what am I going to get out of this? What satisfaction?

So I am at a cross roads of sending him my blog from yesterday or just keeping that door closed and forgetting he even reached out to me. But it still feels like you ripped the scab off a scar and now it's red and bleeding again. I don't believe this would have happened if I had ran into him on the street but the fact that he had the nerve to reach out, that is what feels like the scab being ripped off.

I don't think we are ever the same, when you are abused, it changes something in you, it cuts you so deep, you are never the same. No matter how many years have went by, there will always be a scar there.

I am always honest in my blogs about my life and this is no different, so today my friends I cannot give you any advice on this. I realized that I need more time to process this and figure out what will be the best for me. I am always about changing and growing so I will have to give this over to God and let him guide me to do what is best.

My advise to you is that we all have scars, we all have a sob story about our lives but the scars aren't who you are, they are part of you but not the whole of you, even when you have the scars they leave behind.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise.... revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

My weekly Youtube page, please subscribe:
https://youtu.be/LDSXCFJVnzM

Twitter: treadmill treats
Instragram: treadmilltreats
Facebook :treadmill treats

#treadmilltreats
#Theblessingindisguise
#TheblessinginDisguiserevealed
#livinglifelarge
#newyearnewme
#blogginglife
#writre
#blogger
#NewYorktimesbestseller
#womenoffaithtour
#Motivationalspeaker
#OnOprahSupersoulSunday
#TylerPerryproducingmylifestory
#thisismypassion
#livingmypurpose
#blogging
#Newyork
#Florida
#internationalblogger
#francescavillardi