Don't be an afterthought

Don't be an afterthought

As this month is National  Domestic Violence month, I felt this would be perfect to start of my series of blogs about this epidemic we are facing today.

Did you know 23% of women will be abused verbally and or physically and 11% of men will be as well? We need to change this, but most of all, we need to change the way we see ourselves and what we will put up with.

I realized as far as I have come to pull myself out of a 24 year verbally abusive marriage, I still had a long way to go. Even though I own my own business, I bought and remodeled my home on my own, as far as I come to learn to love myself again, I still have lasting resude from this.

I use to let men get away with all kinds of crap since I've been divorced. Shit I would have never let anyone get away with before I was married, when I knew my worth.

Hell, I have even made excuses for them...oh come on, if you've been there, you will hear yourself in these words...

"Oh, he's had a rough childhood"

"Oh, girl you don't know him, really he's nice"

"He's been really hurt in his past relationships"

Fill in the blank with the bullshit story you tell yourself, your friends and your family.

Yes, I've done this and I wondered why? It's because no matter how far I've come, somewhere deep down, is his voice still saying I am not good enough, this is all I deserve, that no one will truly love me...

Yes, I am a grown women but 24 years of put downs, of lost self esteem, of hearing this and so many other things have made me believe this until recently.

But the wonderful thing about life is, there is always lessons to be learned and there is always a  possibility for change.

And for me I am realizing my worth. I met a wonderful man who treats me like gold. He tells me and shows me how much he appreciates me. He tells me it was their loss and his gain that they couldn't see what an amazing women I am. He has taught me the lessons I needed to learn and is still teaching me.

See I will no longer be an afterthought. You want to see me, make an effort, call me in advance. Make plans, go out of your way to make me feel like you want to see me, don't just call me at midnight saying you miss me or you want me to come by. That is just an afterthought....

I am finally learning my value. I don't care you had a bad relationship or a messed up childhood, or that your busy, that does not give you the right to be an asshole. Don't blame your bad behavior on other's, own your shit.

If something or someone is important enough to you, you will find the time, you will lose sleep, you will take the time to text them good morning or how's your day going or good night. These are all things this new man has done and continues to do each and every day.

They will do what it takes and if they aren't doing all of that, they are not worth your time, are you listening, my queens??

I have learned to not except crumbs, that I am worthy of the whole meal, that as my dear friend said to me "You need to bring more to the table than your dick! That a man should want to walk on broken glass for you, because your worth it!"
And trust me this man does! Yes, there are great men out there.

Yes, this last week, yet again a lot of my male friends reached out to me for my birthday. They seemed to all have one message for me....I am worthy, I am a great women, and that any man should consider themselves extremely lucky to have me.

I was once again shocked and grateful for their kind words... I am learning my worth but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes old habits are hard to break, even though I am trying.

You would think that I know that I am a great women?
See even if no one said that, I should know that, you should know that, we should know our worth.

You should know you need to come first, no bullshit excuses, no, I'm busy, I work a lot, I don't call my mama every day, no, I didn't get your message...no bullshit!

Please....and we believe this... Why? Are we that desperate? We are beautiful, self sufficient,  independent women, we need to say:
"I don't need you in my life, your there because I want you in it and just as quick you can and will be replaced and have been!"

That is how we need to look at this, we must set boundaries, "This is unacceptable and if you chose to do this behavior, your outta here"

Period, not just speaking the words and then just ignoring them. Acting like you never said them or that your feelings were hurt and they chose to pretend they weren't. Why do we constantly give 2nd and 3rd, hell some of us give 6th and 7th chances for them to entertain the same bad behavior?

No, I now know what I want, what I have and what I am worthy of and I will not settle for some half ass, broken, too self absorbed man any more!

Yes, it's taken me a while, it's taken lots of friends and family to tell me this, it's taken many heartbreaks
(If you read my blogs you know that I am hard headed) To realize my worth.
And sometimes it just takes one man to show you value and change the way you feel about yourself.

So today my friends, remember you are worthy, you have value, you deserve to be treated like the queen you are, do not accept anything less, remember you are not, nor will you ever be...an afterthought.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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