October is National Domestic Violence Month

October is National Domestic Violence Month

We all know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month but not many people know that it is also National Domestic Violence month as well.

Both subjects are near and dear to my heart as both my mom and my aunt had breast cancer and I am a surviver of Domestic violence and lost 2 friends to this as well.

We need to shine the light into the darkness that is so many women's lives. Women that deal with domestic violence day after day.

This month I will try to inform you with facts, statics and stories that will shock you, make you cry and hopefully open your eyes and heart up to try to help others that are in this horrible situation.

Now you might be jaded, you might say "Why don't these women just leave? Come on, grow some and leave the bastard!"
If it was only that easy...

Some of you may think this olny happens to poor, uneducated women. Again your wrong, it happens to all of us, no matter what your race, your economic background or education.

We can be your neighbors, the one with the big house and the "perfect" family, we can be your doctor, your office worker, your friend, your sister. We are everywhere, we are just experts at hiding and fronting for you, so that you have no idea what's going on behind that closed door.

Also most people don't think verbal abusive is domestic violence but again you are wrong.

It is definitely domestic violence just without the outward scars, the scars we have are on our hearts and in our minds.They effect our thoughts, our self worth, our children lives but our pain just doesn't come with a black and blue you can see.

If you call someone names, tell them they are stupid, put them down, ridicule or belittle someone, that is abusive. It is just as if you struck someone, you are a abusiver, plain and simple. There is no sugar coating the facts.

"Oh it's just words, words can't hurt, get over it" I've heard many people say to me. I've even heard that many times from my ex husband who did this to me.
It doesn't work that way, we don't just get over it, the words may stop but the scars are there permanently.

I remember for years after I finally had the courage to leave my 24 year verbally abusive marriage I could still hear his voice in my head. When I went to go do something I would hear "Your not smart enough, your stupid, you can't do that" his words echoing through my head. It took years of working on myself to get over that and even still in relationships now, I still don't feel worthy and I let men get away with things that I shouldn't because of it.

My girls have been changed as well. He changed who they are with his words, they will never be the same, they will carry this into their adult lives and maybe even into their future  relationships.

Even after the scar heals, it is still there to see.
There is a memory of it permanently there for you to see, it may fade over time, it may not be so noticeably but it will never completely go away as even 5 years later I realize this as things come up.

I am learning to deal with these issues and to teach my girls self worth and how important it is to watch what you say to people.

So today my friends,
I hope this month's National Domestic Violence campaign will open your eyes to things you may have not notice before and to reach out and help someone, even if it's a kind word, trust me, they may have not heard one in a long time.

Tell them your there for them, as so often they feel isolated and alone, tell them how smart you think they are and that you believe in them. They don't believe in themselves anymore and haven't in a long time.

Build them up, because every day they get torn down...
Volunteer at a women's shelter, donate. Some women have no access to funds, to their bank accounts, they have nothing and if they have the courage to finally leave, it's with nothing but her life...if she is lucky.

Be the change you want to see, change the world, with one kind act at a time because you never know what someone is going through. Watch your words because they can cut just as if they were a sword.

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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