Sometimes I forget who I am

Sometimes I forget who I am

Recently a lot was coming at me and sometimes I let life overwhelm me. Sometimes, because I'm human I get down and I question God.
I sometimes forget where I've come from, how many times I've been knocked down. I forget how many people I've lost that I loved, how many things people that I thought loved me, have done against me and to me, throughout my life. How many times I've had my heart broken and how many times I've trusted and then have been betrayed.

I forget that I hit rock bottom not once but twice, that I overcame drug and alcohol addiction. I forget  that I forgave my rapist, and even recently when he reached out to me, I came back with compassion and forgiveness. I went on after this tragedy to help others who were raped as well.
I forget that I survived 24 years in a verbally abusive marriage, that I walked out with nothing and started a business at the same time.
That I've overcame a fear that kept me stuck in a place of misery for so long.

I sometimes forget that I did a triathlon, even though  I suck at swimming and hate to run, yet with a broken toe, a jelly fish bite to the ass and a thunder and lightning storm, I still placed 3rd in my age group on my first time.

I forgot that I walked on fire because I figured that might be a piece of cake after walking through fire for so many years.

I sometimes forget I have  gotten so many things on my bucket list checked off and so many things my vision board that have came true because I never gave up, I kept having hope and faith about what was going to happen in my future.

Sometimes when the darkness comes and covers me and life comes at me strong and hard, I sometimes forget who I am, what I can do and what I have accomplished. Those days when I cry myself to sleep, when I wonder why me and when will life ever give me my season. Those are the days that I realized that I am human and I hurt yet again.

I sometimes cannot see where I have been and the journey I have taken. It's hard to see the obstacles I've endured and the successes I've had, in believing in myself. It is in those days, those days that are the darkest, when you cannot see your accomplishments and how far you've come, I know I will be okay. I know that just like the Bible verse, "Sorrow only last for a night but joy comes in the morning"

I know that in the morning that God will fill my heart with peace, with love, with joy. He will fill my mind with all that I have done and show me how far as I have come, to teach me that this is just all just a test for my testimony. That I will get through this just as I have got through everything else in my life. That I am not down for good, that this is just a set back for my step up.

It is in those moments that I pull myself back up, I dry my tears, I lift my head, and I give thanks to my God for getting me through all I thought I could never get through before.

It is with his grace & mercy that I survived each and every day. It is with him that I continue to go on, it is with my faith that I know that one day it will be my season, one day I will be where I want to be, have the man he chose for me, the calling he has for my purpose.
It is in his time and not mine and that gives me the strength to go on.

Sometimes I forgot what real strength is and that I always had it inside of me.

And just like the unforgettable quote from the movie The Wizard of Oz, I remember that:

"You always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself"

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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