My rapist responded to me

My rapist responded to me

As most of you know my rapist reached out to me about a month ago. It took me a while to respond to him because at first I was in shock. Then I didn't know what to say as I was pissed but when I prayed about it, I came to the decision that I didn't want to come at him with anger or bitterness.

Maybe he was coming for forgiveness, maybe this was a teaching moment for me, maybe this is what God wanted me to do. And if I was going to do this, I needed to come with love and compassion and that took me a while to get there.

Yes, I am Christian but I am human and yes, I was pissed that he came at me all these years later, it was like "What the hell do you want?"
So I needed to get grounded before I answered and I really needed to pray about it, this was going to be my one and only chance to express what his actions did to my life and I wanted to get it right.

I always say I am the voice for those who don't have one and I knew so many people will never get a chance to confront their abusers, I wanted to be that person and do it right.

So I wrote and rewrote this many times. I read it and reread it hundreds of times to make sure it was perfect. A perfect blend of getting my point across but with just enough love and compassion for forgiving him.

I wait for days before I sent it and I decided to send it this Saturday. Why Saturday? Well I figured that at least the next day was Sunday and if his answer threw me again, at least I'd be in church and God would have a word for me.
Seems like that always happens to me, something bad comes at me on a Saturday and I have church the next day to get me through, so Saturday it was.

I hit send and held my breathe waiting on his response. Well a few hours later I get a Facebook message from him. But I was in shock from his reply, not that I should have been but it threw me anyways.

He said he didn't know what I was talking about, we were friends, that it never happened.
He did say when I told him to stop, he did...What? Are you frigging kidding me? I wanted to scream...so am I the virgin Mary then because how the hell did I get pregnant if you stopped?

I was floored that he took no responsibility for his actions and that he even threw in there that we were friends. Yeah, we were and that even made it worst!

But I didn't, I didn't respond and I won't. I said what I wanted to and needed to and now this is between him and God. I am done, I obeyed God and his wishes, I came at him with love, compassion and forgiveness and now I am done.
I was the voice for so many and I got to write about it to help others out there realize that even if you tell your pain to your abusers, you may never get what you want. You may never get an apology, they may never own what they did and you have to be good with that and walk away.

You must let go of your anger, your bitterness and your hatred and you must forgive them. Not for them but for you, so you can be whole again and move on.

I don't know what I expected, I guess like many survivors I wanted him to apologize but you can't apologize for something you don't own. And you can't stay in your brokenness waiting for an apology that may never come.

So today my friends, remember that what they did to you was horrible but if you don't forgive them and let it go, they will continue to own and hurt you over and over and over.
Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you, to set you free.

Today I am setting you free ...
I am here to tell you that even when you get to confront your abuser, that will not be what you expected.
I am here to tell you it's all about you now...
Your life, your peace of mind, your sanity and you need to do this for you.
Break free of the hold they have on you, live your best life. Karma is there, let it do it's job, do yours, by taking care of yourself.

You got this... forgive and move on.
Start your life over and as I say at the end of every blog..
"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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