Why didnt you report it?

Why didn't you report it?

This had been a huge topic lately in the media with Bill Cosby getting sentenced for the sexual abuse of all these women.

People all over have been asking why didn't these women step up sooner?
I am assuming that none of these people have ever been in that situation before because if they had, they wouldn't ask such a stupid question.

I can say that because I have been raped and I have counseled rape victims. I have gone to meetings and I have spoken to many who know what it is like to be there.

We don't tell for many reasons, I'll start with mine. I was young, just 15, I knew my rapist, he was a friend from school. I took a ride with him, I smoked a joint with him so I assumed it had to be my fault. Now why would I assume that? Because society makes the victim feel like it's their fault.

If your attacker didn't jump you from the bushes then it had to be your fault. It had to be what you were wearing, that you came on to him, the words you spoke or in my case that I willingly took a ride and smoked a joint with him so I must have wanted it or lead him on.

We are scared, we might know the person, they might be a family member, they might be in a position of authority and we don't believe anyone will trust our word against theirs.

Don't believe that? I know first hand that one of my daughter's best friends step father tried to sexual molest her and when she told the police, her own mother told her to say she lied. She didn't want to lose this scum bag man, so she wanted her own daughter to say it was a lie.
And you wonder why so many of us don't tell? When your own mother doesn't believe you or stick up for you, who do you think will?

We don't tell because we are traumatized, we are broken, we are lost because we were taken advantage of, we were robbed. I was robbed of my virginity at 15, it was not easy thinking about it, let alone talking about it.

Years ago we didn't talk of such things, before Oprah, Jerry Springer and Dr. Phil, we didn't talk openly about things. We sucked it up, we were told to put on our big girl panties and get on with it. My own mother told me after taking me to get an abortion after my rape
"We shall never talk of this again"

Hello I was 15! This ruined my life and she thought if I never talked about it, it would somehow magically disappear. Oh it disappeared alright, right into a full blown drug and alcohol addiction to cover my pain.

I don't blame her or others back then because as Maya Angelou says "When you know better, you do better"
They didn't know better but we do today and yet still we treat the victims like they did something wrong and then ask, why didn't you come forward sooner?

You have no idea what this does to your life, many of us don't seek help until years later. Many repress the trauma as we can't deal with the pain and it doesn't surface until we are grown. It changes who you are, how you feel about men, your future relationships, it changes everything in your life and you think it's easy to come forward and talk about it?

Look it doesn't matter if it happened last night or 30 years ago, time doesn't give you the option of getting away with it. You still did it, just like if you murdered someone 30 years ago and now we have all kinds of ways to tell you did it. And then the police figured out you did it, your still going to jail doesn't matter if it was 30 years ago.

So why is it any different with sexual abuse victims? You do not get to get away with it because we were scared to talk, because we were too traumatize to talk, because too many years went by, that's bullshit!

You did a crime and you should be charged with that crime and do time for that crime.
We as a society need to stop victim blaming, we need to stop putting people on a pedestal. Because he was a famous actor or director or a pastor or a priest or even the President of the United States, it doesn't matter, if you did the crime, you do the time, period.

So today my friends I am here to tell you all on social media stop with this bullshit, stop posting your little shitty memes about why didn't you step up sooner, stop with your snide remarks to us, the real victims here.

It makes you look as much as an asshole as the people who attack us in the first place. You have no idea nor would I want anyone to know what it feels like to be sexual abused, so don't assume you do.
Have some compassion for us, maybe if the world would learn some more compassion it would be a better place.
Think before you speak why didn't you speak up sooner?

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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