Forgiveness is not for others, it is for you

Forgiveness is not for others, it is for you

Yesterday I was speaking with my girlfriend and we were talking about forgiveness. This subject came up because recently my rapist reached out to me. No, not with an apology, just to say hi. Yeah, I'm still shaking my head too at this.

We talk about betrayal and all the people who were close to us who betrayed us. Even my best friend betrayed me a few years ago. I tell you all the time, I am human, I was hurt, I was mad, I wanted to punch her in the face, hey I am only  human!

But I knew I had to forgive her, not for her for me.
Just like I knew years ago that I had to forgive my rapist. See I learned that unforgiviness will empower those who OWE you to OWN you.

Yes, they will own you, they will own your thoughts, your emotions, your time. You will spend your whole life is thinking and hating them, so yes, they own you.

Letting go, let's you go... You have to forgive and then let go, it's the only way to release it. In order for us to continue to grow, we have to learn how to continue letting go.

Now let me tell you this, don't get it twisted, forgiveness is NOT a approval of what the offender did to you.
Is is not closing our eyes to the wrong.

Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Forgiveness is not submitting to abuse.
Forgiveness is not automatically trusting again.
Forgiveness is not always the restoration of a relationship.
You can forgive but your not going to get played again, your not going to allow that person back into your life.

Yes, I forgave my best friend but we are done, finshed. You will never get the chance to screw me over again.
I am a one and done girl. I will be your best friend, have your back, be your biggest supporter but you screw me and we are done!

And I am not going to be my rapist Goomba on Facebook, that shit ain't going to happen either.

We also think forgiveness  is avoiding confrontation. No, it's not, you are allowed to say your feelings. To confront them on their wrong doings, to tell them your mad, hurt, pissed as hell. You can be all of these things and speak them, then forgive and walk away.

Unforgiviness is a spirit of bondgage, that keeps you stagnant and stuck in that place of hurt and hate.
Forgiveness is a spirit of liberation that sets you free so that we can move on without hatred consuming our lives.

People think if I forgive them, I am giving them a pass on what they did.
No, your not, your not saying it's okay that you've done such a horrible thing. Your acknowledging what they did, your speaking about what they did, your not forgetting what they did. What you are doing is your releasing all the hate and anger you holding within you and you are setting yourself free.

So today my friends, is anger and hate holding you hostage? When you think of that person does your whole persona change?
Is all your time focused on hating them and hurting for what they did to you?

Trust and believe, they are living their lives without a care in the world. They are not thinking of you and what they did to you.
See hating them has no effect on them, none what so ever, the only effect it has is on you. Think about that and then forgive and set your self free.

And remember this quote "What you can become depends on what you can overcome"

"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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